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I watch and cringe as I see some guys trying to make small talk with a lady. I cringe because sometimes these guys get it all wrong and they don't realize that what they said or are saying is having a negative impact on the rest of the conversation. This can happen with a woman they already know or one they're meeting for the first time.
I wanna help the brothas out a little bit because I also realize that in most cases (probably not all), the guys don't mean any harm with what they're saying but the woman doesn't know that so she is most likely going to take it the wrong way.
There are some simple rules to keep in mind when trying to figure out what to say and what not to say to a woman. Men, ask yourself these questions:
- How would what I'm about to say make her feel?
- Is what I'm about to say REALLY necessary?
- Is she "one of the guys"? ( If she's not then don't say it! )
- Will it move the conversation forward?
- Could it potentially hurt her feelings?
- Would I say this to a girl I REALLY like? (Just because you don't like a girl like that doesn't mean you should talk to her anyhow.)
This is not to make your conversations with women difficult but many guys have blown it with what they've "innocently" said to a woman. Men and women are different. What would be ok to say to a guy, isn't always ok to say to a woman. And remember, just because you don't like her like that doesn't mean she won't tell her friend who you do like what a "jerk" she thinks you are for something you "innocently" said.
I also asked some ladies What is the one thing/what are some things a guy shouldn't say to you? Things that don’t add value to you or don’t make you feel good about yourself. It could be something a friend, boyfriend, or husband said or says.
Here are their responses:
~ You’re just getting fat o!
~ Interesting question! I suspect the responses will reveal a lot about people’s personal insecurities, some of which will be commonly held. It’s good to have some guidance but the guys really need to get to get to know their lady well in the first instance. Just my thoughts! My ex always used to call me “bush girl” rather jokingly and caused mild irritation because it was the last word I would use to describe myself!
~ I hate it when a guy says “cheers” to me. I hate it. I hate it. Especially if it’s a guy checking me out. What is “cheers”? Am I your guy? It’s so masculine. Cheers ko, table ni!
~ It’s mostly about my weight. My husband doesn’t say it but other people do.
~ Ohhhh, this one is easy…the most annoying thing a guy I was dating once said to me (jokingly) was about my advanced degrees…he was trying to get into grad school: We have to be on the same level…he can’t look like a small boy beside me. I’m like what the heck??? Turned out he was dead serious. Please shout it out to men: Relationships…It’s NOT a…competition. Second thing a guy said to me that was annoying was I’m intimidating. This one put me off completely. But it’s neither here nor there but the previous takes the cake. Forget looks and appearance…a NO, NO is a guy that deliberately says crude words to a woman to belittle what she has achieved in life.
~ I just don’t like people telling me what to do. Period! But don’t say “You MUST…”. My brain was created by God to think, reason, and draw conclusions for me. It’s not decoration. So let me exercise my mental muscle. You can suggest, [advise], give your opinion or use scenarios. Never say I can’t do something because I’m a woman. That will just bring out the rebellious spirit in me to the surface cos I will prove that being a woman doesn’t make me a retard. You see because my boyfriend knows his boundaries, I’m very much merciful to his vices. I’m an independent individual before I’m his partner in a relationship. And I just realized that’s how I feel with ALL my relationships with friends, parents, pastors, etc. “I have a mind and I use it” is my guiding principle.
~ Talking about weight…You look fatter. Are you pregnant or did you gain weight? What’s your dress size?
Ladies, please feel free to add to this in the comments. Gentlemen, I hope this really helps!