When A Man Loves A Woman...

...She knows! There’s no confusion or second guessing or any of that. Remember that quote I shared with y'all: "If he likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll be confused." I think that applies to the chase primarily. If he wants to be with you, you won’t (or at least shouldn’t) have any doubts about his intentions cos he will be clear (most of the time). However, something seems to happen once the relationship is in full swing. It seems like the guy becomes clueless about how to fully love the woman. Guys don’t always “get" women. Women are complex beings (or so it seems). We get that. We accept it. We are not always easy to understand. But we are beautiful and amazing creatures as well :D We want to love AND be loved. So, I want to share with the guys some things you can do to show that special lady (that you chased, by the way) just how much you love her in a way that she understands and wants to be loved.

Listen In
Women TALK. We are wired that way. We talk to get things off our chest. We talk to get clarity. We talk to vent. We talk cos we just have to. And when I say talk, I mean talk. You know when you’re with your lady and she’s going on and on about a particular situation or something that happened and she’s giving you step-by-step narration of what happened without leaving out any detail. Phew! Lol. Well, that’s just women for you. Your babe isn’t the only one. She’s not weird. Women just talk. So guys, you gotta sit there and listen. Yup! You love her, you listen. AND please don’t feel obliged to solve the problem or offer any solutions unless she specifically asks for it. We usually don’t need you to solve the problem. We just need you to listen. And don’t tune out either. We can tell when your mind has left the room. You love this woman, don’t you? So you gotta be there – mind, body, and spirit!

Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
You’ve heard of PDA before. I know you have but how many guys actually demonstrate it? Please hold her hand, biko. Hold the door open for her. Pay for stuff! Let me tell you, women can pay for stuff these days. She really doesn't need you to (and it's not a girl power thing. It's fact.) but there is something so wonderful about the guy picking up the tab without hesitation and it's a display of affection (This used to be the norm but alas, times have changed!). It's the little gestures that go a LONG way with women. It might be a bit awkward or uncomfortable for you (especially if you didn’t grow up that way) but most women need love to be expressed publicly and outwardly. Some guys say they’re not romantic and don’t know how to show love in this way but dude, you gon have to learn! There is something about a man knowing when to slip his hands into his woman’s hand as they walk down the road or giving her a kiss on the forehead or holding the door and just generally publicly displaying that he cares about her. Some guys have this down pat but for the brothas who don’t, LEARN. It’s very important for women. Have you heard that song “Practice makes perfect sense when it comes to love”? Well, it definitely applies here and you’ll get better at it especially when you see her reaction. I will categorize sending her flowers and chocolate and all those lovely surprises here. When a man goes out of his way to show a woman how much he cares about her, no matter who’s “watching’ (cos you know if it’s flowers to the office, people will be “watching”), it makes her feel extra special and loved – like a princess! Hehe. Let me add that “thoughtfulness” is VERY key. Don’t send her flowers just because everyone sends flowers cos she might actually not like flowers. Lol. This is where being a good listener comes in again. Listen to what she tells you over time. Is there something (no matter how small), she’s been planning to get or do? How about surprising her with that instead of flowers. “It’s the thought that counts.” And for women, it’s usually not about quantity but quality. If she knows your heart is in it, she’ll feel loved.

Be Available, Be Present, Pay Attention
Speaking of being there, mind, body, and spirit, remember these two words guys:  BE THERE. Your woman needs to feel like you are there. Like she has your attention. It reassures her that you care. Include her in your plans. Let me repeat that, include her in your plans. Make plans around her. Forfeit “guys’ night out” for her and let her know you are doing that. Simply be there. Women need you around. Most women TREASURE quality time. She might not always demand it from you but I believe most women crave it. Quality time to just sit and talk (that word again. Lol). Quality time to be quiet, together. Quality time to dream together. Quality time to grow together. When you spend time together, love grows. Again, this might be awkward for some guys but you’ll have to learn yo! J

****This is in no way an exhaustive list of things you can do. This is just scratching the surface***

Loving a woman is not really as hard as it seems. We care about the little things contrary to popular belief. We are sometimes hard to understand but you gotta love us! Hehehe. When a man loves a woman, she knows it. Don’t let her ever be in doubt because I like to believe you really do love her but sometimes you might not know how to show her or know what she needs to feel loved. 

Ladies, please you gotta chime in! Let’s help the brothas love us better!

Comments

  1. A friend of mine says "Love" is spelled T-I-M-E
    And I also agree with what Aderonke said. If a man loves you, you will KNOW! You won't be confused and he will want to be with you! And not give EXCUSES.

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    1. "Love is spelt T-I-M-E." I like that! Yup, no excuses. Thanks for sharing :)

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  2. Nice write up. Totally enjoyed it. Things have changed in our society though. But as always, it'll always be the little things.

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    1. Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it :) Yeah, things have changed. Hopefully some people will hold onto the tradtional stuff.

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  3. *snaaaapss* this should be mandatory reading for all guys! Never eases to amaze me how clueless they are! Ugh

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    1. Lol! I feel you. We gotta help them out :)

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  4. .....he'll stay up all night, or wake up several times that night, bcos the woman is flying that night across the Atlantic from BWI to LHR and he has downloaded some good flight-tracking software, and is tracking her flight from the moment it taxis from the departure gate and takes off, ...knowing their every position on the map as they fly to their destination, their altitude, their speed,...until they land, ...knowing the very second that plane stops at the arrival gate... And that his lady is safe and comfortable.. D.

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    1. Wow! Didn't even know you could do that! Thanks for sharing :)

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    2. Wow...DEEEEEPPPPPP...

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  5. Nerdy, but true!

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  6. The word 'clueless' takes on a whole new meaning when it comes to 'them'...*frowns*. All these years, all those experiences, books, articles, movies, and they still dont get it.
    Please, Ronke, dont even get me started. #Disillusioned, and I am not even in a relationship yet! *I hope in God* (angelic smiley)
    Z

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    1. Aww, I guess we just have to help them out :)

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  7. I like this list of things you have written down, and I've been quite amused by the comments from the ladies. I agree with a lot of the things men can do to show we care and indeed this is just scratching the surface. Now you are writing from the standpoint of a hopeful romantic, and so in some capacity you can't quite imagine why there would be guys like these out there who try to treat a girl right but instead get a cold shoulder, indifference, and a whole lot of other excuses in between. This has happened to me enough times and so I'm speaking from experience. And before you say 'I must be chasing the wrong girls', which is so patronizing, I know I'm not and I will explain why.

    Even my MOTHER and my sisters (and many female friends) have told me that while a man should spoil a girl they like, they should not check in permanently to Mumu-ville, and a lot of what you've mentioned in this post verges on mumu behaviour. And this is because a lot of women still wont appreciate all these nice things. I've heard women talk, so I know how 'nice and thoughtful guys' are regarded.

    As I said, you're a hopeful romantic, but what I've been finding out is that even though women want all these lovely things, it is as though they want it in small doses. Or they want it with a caveat or other condition, like say they know that their man is a gentleman but they want him to have an edge. If he's just nice all the time (and does all those things mentioned above) then he's safe and sweet but not really exciting.

    A girl can sit in front of a nice guy and complain about an ex or a lack of good guys with zero redeeming qualities (which the guy she is complaining to might have) and when the good guy tells her he likes her she will come up with some weak excuse. As humans we never seem to look at what's under our noses, we are looking further afield for greener pastures and I believe the same applies here.

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    1. LOL!!!! @ Mumu-ville! I feel you man! You raise very good points and it's one of those things that we can't seem to explain. I always wonder why girls let the good guys go! Like you said, a good guy is standing in front of her and she's looking over his shoulder at someone else *sigh* You know the saying "Wetin dey for Sokoto, e dey for sokoto. I was thinking about writing a post on that! Hmmm...We have to talk about this some more to figure it out.

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    2. From Anonymous Me:
      You are so right, Sims. In fact, the reason some 'good' guys act (and I mean "act"!) bad is because girls generally don't want 'nice' guys! Yet the same girls state all that gibberish about wanting a good, caring, secure, sensitive, loving, bla blah bullshit (excuse my Australian). What a lot of girls really want are born-again gangstas; he used to be a badddddd boi, with all the trappings and exciting of bad still in him, but now he is only focussed on them as their one and only! Sorry, ladies, you either eat that cake or still have it because it doesn't work that way for guys. The ex-gangsta who is serious about going the straight way really wants to cut off his old lifestyle totally. He knows that the old lifestyle comes with more bad, and that bad could be verrrrry badddd!, and would rather cut all that off and try to buld himself a better new life, with you helping him, not hoping he can balance both.

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    3. I feel the passion! Thanks for sharing. I hear you. What shall we do? We really need to delve into this a lot more. I'm wondering though, just because she doesn't like the nice guy in front of her, does that mean she won't end up liking another nice guy? I think a lot of "nice guys" get offended when the girl they REALLY like doesn't like them back but what if she's just not feeling him? And as a result she complains that she hasn't found a nice guy she likes. That doesn't mean she wants a "bad guy". It just means she hasn't found a "nice guy" she connects with enough to want to be with. I don't really agree that girls want "bad nice guys". I think they're just truly waiting for the nice guy they connect with. *sigh*

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    4. Girls don't like nice guys. Period. They pose for the nice guy. Until he goes off with her friend.

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  8. hmmm nice write up....seems like while all the ladies keep 'helping" the guys learn how to love them ....and make them feel good..it's clear a lot of fellas never received this education growing up OR have a different but still valid way of expressing love. If you only accept love on your own terms then there is no compromise and its not love but really a list of demands. Perhaps a clue into why one gender grows up with such needs and expectations and another with a very different set of needs is just how we are wired and should be accepted without the constant wishing for someone to be what a romantic movie idealizes.

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    1. Thanks! I don't think it's a list of demands but a guide. Have you heard of "Love Languages". I think it's healthy to share your love needs with your partner and vice versa. It shows maturity and commitment. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

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  9. I am yet to meet a girl that likes bad guys. I think its all about the connection. You may have almost all the atttibutes She's looking for but do u both connect on emotional, physical, intellectual etc levels all at the same time? When u sync, then u bcome perfect for each other or at least somewhat perfect.

    Another thing is most ppl use d bad experience frm a former to judge or measure a new comer wch is totally wrong. Each person shld have their own yardstick.

    However, some guys are really funny sha... Remember a girl complaining abt a guy who seemed nice n all. He kept on asking to take her out on a date n when she finally agreed, he wanted her to pick up the tabs. That's really annoying. I take u out, I pay; u take me out, u pay!

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    1. Lolll! I have a friend who lives in London. When I am in London, she always wants us to go out and I pay. When she is in Lagos, she also wants us to go out ll the time and me to always pay. I really don't mind paying all the time, and actually would insist on it, but it does place the lady on a higher notch if she seriously offers to pay or split the bill sometimes:)

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    2. Thanks for sharing! SMH @ wanting her to pick up the tab!

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  10. OMG!!!! You don't know how scary you make this sound. But I agree with you, it is hard work however and it has to be learned everyday.

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    1. Hehehe! You can do all things through Christ Who give you strength! :)

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  11. I feel you on this post. I wrote a post on men and women issues titled "Men,Know Your Places" a few days ago and I was smiling to myself all along while reading yours. Reading the comments, ah double fun! Lol @Mumuville! However, I also want to point out- Biblically, that women were created for men not men for women. A woman is a man's glory (so y'all men, chill!). Second, in most cases, the reason why women are single is because they cannot take directions from men. Don't be scared; a God-fearing man is not and will NEVER be controlling or manipulative. Some of us have had a fair share of "agbalumo" relationships; where we rub and squeeze and taste it to know if it's good or not. I'm not saying seeking all these romantic things should be pushed back. In fact, the guy should demo in full swing! The thing is we ladies -guys too- should not prioritize our search query on these things. If we all stay in the places where God put us, the right person will DO ALL THESE and more. If a man really loves you he will suddenly become a researcher: He will seek and search to know you better! Gbam! :)

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  12. Great post......if he likes you there will be calm none of this helter skelter running between girlfriends having a conference every minute, when he says one thing and for certain the woman interprets a completely different reponse. lol we are wired in a beautiful way ;-)

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  13. can I just say this were not all clueless dumb animals take me for instance I recently moved to a new town bout 6 months ago and have just met an amazing girl that makes me feel like my life means something she recently split from a relationship that had a lot of rough patches that left her very heartbroken and is not willing to let herself go through that I don't know if it was right but I spent the night with her snuggled up in bed watched a movie talked about all the things that were hurting her inside and I listened to it all because she makes me happy I was brought up to be a gentleman by my mother yes I'll open that door for you I'll carry your shopping and handbag at the mall but most of all ill be there for you when you need me that's what a real man is and unfortunately there getting harder and harder to find but I might also add a good old fashioned girl is hard to find these days to

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    1. she said to me she is not willing to have another relationship unless she is absolutely certain he will be her husband and I have taken it upon myself to prove to her that that is what I want to be her husband we are not dating but I don't exactly want to walk up to her and say hey will you marry me when we aren't even in a relationship I want to prove to her I want us together to be happy forever but that's where it goes sour that's the one thing I can't do

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  14. wow this is on point. Its all about the little things,isnt it?

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    1. Thanks! Yup, sure is about the little things!

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  15. Fantastic summary of the equation!! There's no way one will know all there is to know! :)

    Cheers!
    j.

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  16. it really helps alot :) thanks!

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  17. Girls say it's all about the little things but they don't appreciate them when a guy does it effortlessly they often take him for a kiss ass...but really what could make anyone unromantic in a relationship?

    1. Appreciation
    I believe the attitude of the receiver determines what he gets next..you do a lot to get her certain things and she makes you feel less human or indifferent with her attitude like its no big deal because it's not a car or something of high monetary cost. If that happens over and over he /she begins to have a certain mind set about you so he's really not poised to go all the way next time

    2.baggages and history
    People carry lots of baggages from childhood-adolescent age and on to adulthood around in their hearts. people are shaped by the love trajectory they functioned in while growing up . they might become uncomfortable when they enter a new trajectory either it's better or worse ..our experiences of life form how mild and receptive our hearts are...some peoples experiences have hIt them so bad they reject easy love by default so such people just work better in a hard relationship ..the softer one might switch off his/ her affection button or slow it

    3.Selfishness
    In relationships the desire to do more is a function of what you get in return most times..no matter how affectionate you are if it keeps going one way in terms of verbal confessions and affirmations, in terms of actions and commitment of resources, at some poInt the more romantic person'll stop or deliberatly enter a non romantic mood.

    4.Understanding
    Knowing exactly what romantic means to that person and knowing if it's something you can give is key..if he's spirikoko and dosent like Pda's and prefers you informed him of a bible seminar then go and do it..

    5.Phase of life and comfort level
    You're on level 10..she's on 15 or vice versa even the strongest dialogues and understanding from the beginning of the relationship can fade into oblivion if the realities of the difference in phase of life comes to play..for example he's 8 years older. he's 30 and trying to settle in life , nobody's ever really certain of what tomorrow brings but he's not certain @ all or not quite sure of what's next for him..she's 22 having it good , slow and steady, she's under lesser pressure so while her focus is really emotional while his is logical..so his output romantically is a direct reflection of the events in his career and sorroundings..

    I can't in a hurry point out more but a lot that bothers on commitment in relationships is pre-defined or pre- determined by some oif these I have stated

    All factors being equal no one should do less in a relationship but the life we live has other factors that affect our output or out pouring of love so we may want to think of these things ..tackle them before we say men aren't romantic , there are no gentlemen, there are no suibmissive ladies, ladies are laid back and so on.

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