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Yup, ladies, Let. Us. Go. There. Already. I have to break the silence on this once and for all. Let’s talk about the Girl Code, shall we? Y’all know the code I’m talking about. That unspoken set of rules among women about who you are allowed to date based on the guy’s previous interaction with your friend(s). I use the word “interaction” deliberately because the rules are based on the kind of contact the guy has had with your friend and as such the rules range from the understandable to the flat out outrageous!
For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (and you could only be a guy cos ALL women know this code), lemme explain. Essentially, there is a (unspoken) code among women and the best way I can explain it is with examples, so here goes:
- I dated him before so you can’t date him
- He “toasted” me before and even though I wasn’t interested in him, you can’t date him
- I like him and even though he hasn’t said a word to me and chances are he never will, you can’t date him
- Even though I’m married with 10 children, he was my high school crush so you can’t date him
- Even though I’m married with 20 children, he was my boyfriend once upon a time so you can’t date him
- We both like him (we met him at different times) and even though he wasn’t interested in me and he is interested in you, I spotted him first so you can’t date him
And the list goes on and on! Please add to the list if you can think of some.
I am not making this up. Lol. The ladies know I’m not and the reason why I’m breaking the silence on this is because I want us to talk ladies. Do these rules make sense? Are they justifiable? Like I said earlier, they are unspoken rules. Rarely do girls sit around and talk about them but if you’re a woman you just know them - almost innately! Lol! But I would like for us to talk about them already. Let’s lay it out and discuss because some women who have been brave and broken some of these rules have lost friendships (yes guys, it’s that deep!).
Remember the poll I did a while ago (scroll to the bottom of the page to see it)? I asked if it was ok to date your friend’s ex and most people (I’m assuming both guys and girl answered) said it was NOT ok! Even Gayle King (yes, THAT Gayle, Oprah’s best friend, hehehe) responded to my tweet on the subject and said “Not okay UNLESS all parties agree and that is very, very, very rare”.
So, my question is WHY??? Why all the rules ladies? Why isn’t it ok to date your friend’s ex? Why isn’t it ok for your friend to date a guy you like even though he’s not interested in you? Why isn’t it ok for your friend to date your ex even though you’ve moved on and since married and your friend is still VERY single? Why?
I really think these rules have limited a number of women from moving on and finding love. Now, I can think of a number of reasons why people would stand by (some maybe not all) these rules but should those reasons be enough to stop two people from moving ahead in love especially when the disapproving party has moved on with their love life? I know some people might say “Well, why can’t she find love somewhere else? Why it gotta be the guy I liked or dated? Aren’t there SO many other men on the planet?” etc. etc.
So, I wanna hear from y’all. What exactly is the issue, ladies? What’s the reasoning behind these rules? Let’s throw some light on this, shall we!
Let’s talk ladies. What are your thoughts on the matter?