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Love is NOT a fight. Mars & Venus MUST unite!
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The Love Diary Challenge!
Let me start
by saying that love is not beans*! Let
me also say that Hollywood has lied to us all! Yup, that’s right. Most of
Hollywood’s depictions of love fall very short of the truth (I’m sure you agree). I was
watching a movie the other day and I remember rolling my eyes like here we go
again – lies!!! Lol.
Anyways, I say
all this to say that even though love is and should be beautiful, fun,
rewarding, fulfilling, it is also a lot of hard work and only those truly committed
to it can make it work.
The art of loving
another human being requires being attentive, selfless, fully committed, and
patient and unless you have the willingness to exhibit these traits on a consistent basis, you will quickly
realize (if you haven’t already) that Hollywood has lied, you will quickly
become frustrated, and you might even begin to doubt your love for the other
person. Side note – I’d like to believe these results become more pronounced
when you’re married cos at that point, you can’t go anywhere (in an ideal
I have also come
to fully realize that if you want to truly love another human being and in this
case I’m referring to your lover, the best guide is in the Bible – 1 Corinthians
13: 4-8 to be precise. You’ve probably read it before – many times perhaps - but
if you really want to unlock the secret to successful love, I would suggest you
study each point in depth and measure yourself against each one. You might not
be so pleasantly surprised and you’ll probably realize how much work you have
I’d like to
highlight one of the points in that scripture that says love “keeps no record
of wrongs” because that’s probably one of the hardest ones for most people. Even outside romantic relationships, most people
find it easier to keep records of the wrong that has been done to them. For example,
studies show that when a customer is happy with a service or product, they’ll
tell 5 people but when they’re unhappy, they’ll tell 11 people! I’d like to
think that that’s in part because we remember the wrong more readily and for
longer because the good was expected so doesn’t require as much acknowledgment.
And when you think about it, that is a fair point.
relationships now, when the one we love does something great, we celebrate it
in the moment, maybe tell a few people, and sometimes thank them explicitly but
when they do something that upsets or disappoints us, in most cases, we tend to
make a much bigger deal about it – we address it (rightfully so), we might make
a fuss about it, we might tell a few people (not a good idea), and most
especially, we might keep record of it and bring it up pretty often especially
when the next upsetting situation happens. And what we might find over time is
that we have a mental bank or in some crazy situations, a written bank of our
So, why is
this important to note? Well, because keeping a record only does more harm than good to any relationship. Addressing
the situation and letting it go promotes love but holding on to it (even when
we claim to have forgiven) only promotes bitterness and hurt feelings, which when
left unchecked can really affect your relationship
in ways you didn’t even know were possible.
This is where
my challenge to us all comes in! Because keeping a record of wrong – deliberately
or not – is the natural tendency of us human being, I would like to challenge
all of us to keeping a Love Diary
for the next 21 days!!! (because that’s the number of days they say it takes to
forming a new habit). Get excited!!! Lol. Ok, seriously though. In that diary, I
challenge you to keep a record of ALL the great things your lover does each day.
Things you consider a big deal and things that were a big deal for them to do. Record
the big and little stuff. The stuff that made you smile, the stuff that reminds
you of why you love them. The stuff that you know they went above and beyond to
do. The stuff that warmed your heart. WRITE all of them down – everyday. Don’t go back to read the previous
day’s entry. Just keep writing each day. Keeping a record of good, which is the
opposite of what love doesn’t do, will serve as a good reminder that the person
is human but is making an effort to be the best human being they can be - for you! Don’t let
them see the diary and after the 21 days, read everything you’ve written and
then show your lover appreciation bearing in mind all you’ve written. Let them
know you appreciate them deeply for all they do. I honestly believe exercises
like this will help change us (the diary writer) tremendously because we have a
tendency to quickly forget the good people do for and to us. This might not
seem like much to do but once again, I challenge you to do it and watch as it
not only changes your love for your lover but how it changes you! *Nigerian slang for "child's play"