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The Love Chest was founded by Aderonke Adebanjo, a broadcaster, writer, singer, and Love Activist.
“Where Are All the Women???”
This was the question a good male friend of mine asked me the other day. At first I didn’t quite
get what he meant but then he explained…
Women these days behave like men. Women are no longer
feminine. They’ve lost the thing that makes them women and it is not attractive
to men. That was the gist of his explanation. And I actually get it. I realize
from speaking with my friend that it is true that women are pretty tough these
days. Let’s be honest ladies, we are. Today’s go-getter, career-driven, 21st
Century woman is a no-nonsense kind of woman. She can do for herself. And while
that is great, there needs to be balance
ladies. The boardroom and the bedr…actually the home (lol) are two very
different places and we must be careful to make that distinction.
When a man sees a go-getter woman, a lot of things go
through his mind:
-Will she be motherly? (Yes, 21st
Century men think about that)
-Will she have time to raise children and will
she want to?
-Will she be a nurturer?
-Will she be respectful (something every man
wants to be sure of)
-Will she fight over wearing the pants?
-Will she be willing and/or able to put family
above her career and /or business?
And these are valid questions and concerns.
I know a very successful 21st Century, go-getter, entrepreneur in Lagos. She is quite the bosslady. She’s like an egbon* to me and I remember hearing her husband speak at an event about
how when she gets home every day from work, she drops her CEO/MD title at the
door and falls into his arms. He said it with a great sense of satisfaction. It
was like he was saying he didn’t have to worry about being the man in the home
because despite her huge success, she let him. Don’t get me wrong ladies. I’m
not saying we should become mumus**
but if you hear me out, search yourself, and think about it, you will see a lot
of reason in this.
This is a call to reevaluate our place as women. We are nurturers,
potential mothers, helpers/helpmeets amongst other things – we are women. We put
the “wo” in “men” (Ok, I don’t know what that means but it felt like a good place to say that…lol!) We should be proud of these
titles and not despise them. Men and women are wired differently – 21st
Century or not – and the sooner we accept it and more importantly embrace it, the
better and I dare say easier relationships would be. Again, don’t get me wrong.
The man you’re with should support your dreams as you support his. He shouldn’t
take you for granted or mistreat you. Being the woman in the relationship
shouldn’t make you weak. Quite the contrary, women possess so much more power
than they realize. We should just know who we are, what we’ve been endowed with
to bring to the relationship table, and we should embrace it.
So ladies, just as my friend asked, I ask as well: Where are all the women? Are we willing to
embrace our femininity again and not be afraid? Are we willing to trust that when
we do, we will not be taken advantage of? Are we willing to let men be men and be the woman in the relationship? Are we willing to relax and let our femininity shine through? As I told my friend, many women are
afraid to show any form of vulnerability and many are afraid with good reason
because some men are just bad and have given many women reason to put up a wall and be tough. But we must not let one bad egg (or a few) change
our view on men or change us.
Think about it ladies.
By the way, I asked
my friend if he thinks I act like a man as well. His answer…YES! *sigh*
*Like a big sister
**mumu. Ok, this one is hard to translate. Lol. Kinda like a dimbo or dumb I guess