“Where Are All the Women???”

This was the question a good male friend of mine asked me the other day. At first I didn’t quite get what he meant but then he explained…

Women these days behave like men. Women are no longer feminine. They’ve lost the thing that makes them women and it is not attractive to men. That was the gist of his explanation. And I actually get it. I realize from speaking with my friend that it is true that women are pretty tough these days. Let’s be honest ladies, we are. Today’s go-getter, career-driven, 21^st Century woman is a no-nonsense kind of woman. She can do for herself. And while that is great, there needs to be  balance ladies. The boardroom and the bedr…actually the home (lol) are two very different places and we must be careful to make that distinction.

When a man sees a go-getter woman, a lot of things go through his mind:

-          Will she be motherly? (Yes, 21^st Century men think about that)

-          Will she have time to raise children and will she want to?

-          Will she be a nurturer?

-          Will she be respectful (something every man wants to be sure of)

-          Will she fight over wearing the pants?

-          Will she be willing and/or able to put family above her career and /or business?

And these are valid questions and concerns.

I know a very successful 21^st Century, go-getter, entrepreneur in Lagos. She is quite the bosslady. She’s like an egbon* to me and I remember hearing her husband speak at an event about how when she gets home every day from work, she drops her CEO/MD title at the door and falls into his arms. He said it with a great sense of satisfaction. It was like he was saying he didn’t have to worry about being the man in the home because despite her huge success, she let him. Don’t get me wrong ladies. I’m not saying we should become mumus** but if you hear me out, search yourself, and think about it, you will see a lot of reason in this.

This is a call to reevaluate our place as women. We are nurturers, potential mothers, helpers/helpmeets amongst other things – we are women. We put the “wo” in “men” (Ok, I don’t know what that means but it felt like a good place to say that…lol!) We should be proud of these titles and not despise them. Men and women are wired differently – 21^st Century or not – and the sooner we accept it and more importantly embrace it, the better and I dare say easier relationships would be. Again, don’t get me wrong. The man you’re with should support your dreams as you support his. He shouldn’t take you for granted or mistreat you. Being the woman in the relationship shouldn’t make you weak. Quite the contrary, women possess so much more power than they realize. We should just know who we are, what we’ve been endowed with to bring to the relationship table, and we should embrace it.

So ladies, just as my friend asked, I ask as well:  Where are all the women? Are we willing to embrace our femininity again and not be afraid? Are we willing to trust that when we do, we will not be taken advantage of? Are we willing to let men be men and be the woman in the relationship? Are we willing to relax and let our femininity shine through? As I told my friend, many women are afraid to show any form of vulnerability and many are afraid with good reason because some men are just bad and have given many women reason to put up a wall and be tough. But we must not let one bad egg (or a few) change our view on men or change us.

Think about it ladies.

By the way, I asked my friend if he thinks I act like a man as well. His answer…YES! *sigh*

*Like a big sister

**mumu. Ok, this one is hard to translate. Lol. Kinda like a dimbo or dumb I guess