"All My Single Friends Are Useless!"

Let me guess, you saw the title and gasped thinking "no she didn't!". Well, yeah, I didn't! (So catch your breath. Lol). You see that statement is something many married men say when they are asked to match make their single male friends with great single women or when they are asked to recommend their single male friends for, say, Speed Dating events. Married men say it a lot! 

  • "Ah, you're such a wonderful woman, I wish I could find you a great husband BUT all my single friends are useless"
  • "Ah, boys are crazy o! How can they not see how amazing you are!! Wish I had someone for you BUT all my single friends are useless"
  • How come you're not seeing anyone?? Are Lagos men blind? Man, I wish I could hook you up with someone great BUT all my single friends are useless"

Now, these aren't their exact statements but they are close enough. And just in case your mind went there, these are your married male FRIENDS saying this (as in real friends, brother-type friends, egbons if you will) not married toasters * side eye * Lol.

And every time I hear a married man say that, I wonder about how "useless" they were before a woman decided to give them a chance and why they feel their "useless" single friends don't deserve a chance as well. After all, they say "birds of a feather flock together" and "show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are". If their single friends are so "useless" and they were once upon a time single as well and they were friends with these "useless" friends at that time, then certainly they were also "useless" at some point, right? Right! Which makes me also wonder if it was a case of they cleaned up their act (which their single friends are not ready to do yet) before they decided to get married and as such were not so useless when their now wife gave them a chance. For some reason, I'm not inclined to think that was the case. I think she decided to look beyond his "uselessness" and see potential (Haven't you seen how much most men transform when they get married?!).

I also wonder what they mean by "useless". Does useless mean:
- Player
- Irresponsible
- Quintessential bad boy
- Yoruba Demon * side eye *
- Lazy
- Alcoholic
- The list goes on!

What does "USELESS" mean? Men, married men, in particular, when those words, "all my single friends are useless" are leaving your mouth, what is typically the picture in your head that accompanies those words? Please enlighten us!

And since there are SO many single men and women out there who want to settle down but just can't seem to meet the right person and the married male friends who could help essentially can't help because they have USELESS single friends, what's the solution then???

Do single men even know their married male friends call them useless? Hmm. Lol. Married men, can you give your useless single friends tips on how to not be so useless anymore so you can connect them with an amazing woman? And can you share the secret to not being so useless anymore that worked for you so they can settle down too. Just saying...

There seems to be almost an epidemic y'all where both men and women are freaking out because time is "going" and they can't seem to find love. This "useless friends" thing can't continue to be one of the obstacles. And surely not all single men are useless na.

Now, let me say real quick that if your male single friend is really "useless" in the true sense of the word - violent, irresponsible, like just reallya bad person - then of course, don't pair him up with a woman in an attempt to help the "single crisis". But if he's your friend and he's useless simply because he's your "guy" and you don't take him seriously but he's really not a bad person when you think about it, then c'mon, help the sistas out!!

And I understand that perhaps some guys say their friends are useless because maybe their friends aren't actually "useless" but they don't want to match make them with anyone because they don't want to held responsible if anything goes wrong. I get that. I understand. But nothing stops you from 
creating opportunities for them to meet (Game Night, house party,a meet up for drinks with a small group of friends) and since they are adults, and if they gravitate towards each other, then they take it from their.

Let the Lord use you o!!! Don't block two people's happiness and destiny because you think your single male friends are "useless". Lol!

Ok, so what do you guys think? Let's talk!


  1. It's true - when I think about the guys I know, it's a combination of cop out (no stress) and really looking out for you. For the latter, it's usually playa type behaviour not violence so they don't want to end up as counsellors to you if/when things go south. If you narrow down to a specific person it's a lot easier cos you can "insist". Women do it too although you hear "not compatible" as their reason

    1. I hear you! But a more implicit approach to match making them would be great so they don't even realize you're doing it. And playing counsellor should be optional!

  2. if i cld speak for my own friends (and maybe me abit), our "uselessness" would be just the sheer weakness to climb that pedestal, and to be that perfect or at least that mature MAN, and the maturity would prolly not be so daunting especially when placed side by side with "perfection" except that ur expected to be "mature" for more than 85% of the time... AH! .... Chisos ...."can i really deal?"..."and in exchange for what? yeah, what's in it for me sef?"......and before u know it ur thinking "abeg, there's no rush in life joor, y hasten doomsday, after all so-and-so (who is older than me) is still single".... and trust me, there is ALWAYS an older bachelor to console urself with, lol

    notice in all of this, i have placed ALL the blame at "our" doorstep, and have refrained from blaming the opposite sex, who thru-no-fault-of-their-own (indeed) don't make it easier for us when they weather/wear out our little strength with their baggage of failed relationships and unrealistic expectations to name a few. well, i need to keep this short jor. the length of my comment has led me to delete the comment's first line which was:
    "really nice read, could be shorter tho". Lol, my name is Offiong, and i really hope i made common sense

  3. Words on marble Aderonke.... I've given up on meeting guys through my married friends.

    1. Thank you :) I totally feel you. I hope they have a change of perspective (if they read this)!

  4. Interesting piece. I look forward to reading what the guys have to say about this

    1. Thanks. I look forward to their thoughts too!

  5. "And I understand that perhaps some guys say their friends are useless because maybe their friends aren't actually "useless" but they don't want to match make them with anyone because they don't want to held responsible if anything goes wrong. I get that. I understand"

    There you go, you hit the nail on the head right there and spoke my mind. I was at a birthday party last weekend sitting by myself on a table, and there comes this woman with her beautiful daughter. They were both polite and courteous. During the event, I chatted a lot to her mum and her(daughter) and we really talked, laughed and giggled. They made the party even more fun for me because my wife had to be at another party. What came through my mind was that this pretty young and courteous lady would really be nice for my younger brother or his friends. But then the doubt came to my mind, what will this girl say if I ever introduced my younger brother and he messed up? That kept coming in my head, eventually I decided not to do anything. Creating the opportunity will still mean you let down somebody if things do not go way, hence why I decided to let it go and not ask for any detail other than her first name.

    By the way, great post and you are an articulate writer.

    1. Aww! Did you get her contact info? Do it!! Create an opportunity for them to meet. I hear you on being worried about it not working out but the fact that you thought about it might be a sign. Thanks for the kind words :)

  6. It might just be that they feel their friends are not ready to settle down yet.

  7. Sometimes calling your single friends as "useless" might be because your not so sure your friends are ready to take the plunge into marriage. Only the man in the shoe will know if he is ready. My wife and I tried to match friends of ours. While the lady was ready, I just couldn't tell if the dude was simply looking for fun or serious, though he often talks about marriage.


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