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The Love Chest was founded by Aderonke Adebanjo, a broadcaster, writer, singer, and Love Activist.
Are You Happy?
Are you happy?
This is one of those types of questions that we tend to gloss over and answer very quickly but this time around, before you give a cliche answer and move on, I would like to encourage you to dig a little deeper for the answer.
So let me ask you again: Are you happy?
Let the question linger for a few minutes. Think about it deeply. Ask it in the first person: AM I HAPPY?
Sounds weird, right 'cause you probably haven't asked yourself in the first person if you're happy. But see what answer comes when you ask it that way.
And I don't mean "Instagram happy", you know the the-part-of-the-story-you want-us-to-see type happiness. I mean in your quiet moments, the ones when you're all by yourself - no cameras, no friends, nothing - in those moments when you're alone with your thoughts can you honestly say that you are happy? Happy with the way your life is going, happy with your accomplishments, happy with who you are and who you are becoming, happy with what you do and don't have. Just flat out happy.
This is not necessarily a fun subject to talk about because everyone these days looks happy and like they have it together. Because I mean, how dare you say or even show the world that you're not happy? But stick with me because I think this can end up being an uplifting and eye-opening exercise.
I thought it would be important to confront this question today and seek some genuine answers. Answers that will liberate us and hopefully make us whole again because the truth is happiness is an inside job as you've probably heard and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE and NOTHING will make you happy. First of all,
it's too much of a responsibility to give another human being. People and things can contribute to your happiness but they can't and shouldn't be held
responsible for it. So if you're single, for example, and you're not happy, marriage will NOT make you happy. In fact, I dare say that marriage might even end up making you more unhappy because it won't fill the void you thought it would. It can add to your happiness but it's again, it's not responsible for it. And really when you think about it, marriage is more about give than it is about take but let me not digress.
So let's do a little exercise on happiness and answer a few questions. (I think it will do a lot of good to actually write down your responses)
1. What do you think would make you happy?
~ What are those things that you believe when you get them, you will be set and you will be happy?
~ Why do you think those things would make you happier?
~ Are these things important to the grand scheme of your life?
2. Why aren't you happy? What are the things, people, or situations in your life that are making you unhappy because of their presence or absence?
~ Write them down one by one.
~ Are you in control of those things?
~ Is there anything you can do to bring them into your life or remove them?
~ Have you been doing what you can to bring them in or take them out?
~ For each thing you've written down, can you honestly say it is really because of that thing (and its presence or absence) that you are unhappy?
3. Have you deliberately gone out of your way to make yourself happy? If so, write down the things you have done to make yourself happy.
4. Recount and write some of your happiest moments in life so far and everything that contributed to those moments whether big and small - the people,
It's also important to describe and write down what happiness means to you in as much detail as possible. It will serve as a constant gauge to keep you on your happiness track.
Now review everything you have written down. Can you already see how liberating and refreshing that was to do?
The great thing about this exercise is that it really brings things into perspective because the truth is we are really in control of our own happiness when we think about it. Our happiness is our responsibility guys. No one and nothing is responsible for making us happy. We have to deliberately create our own happiness by doing the things we ought to that we know would make us happy and not by expecting external factors to align and make us happy.
And happiness is beautiful. Happy people are attractive people. We gravitate towards them because there is a beautiful aura around them.They are
independent and not needy or clingy. They know who they are and are content with their lives even as they strive for more because they know that if
they want to be happier, they have to get off their duff and do something about it. They don't wait around for people or things or events to make them
So I ask again, are you happy? And if the truthful, heartfelt answer is no, then do something about it because you actually can!
I hope you found this exercise helpful, if so, please leave a comment or send me an email (TheLoveChest@gmail.com) and let's talk some more.