The Art of Making Friends

MARRY YOUR FRIEND. I'm an advocate for that. Afterall, when the butterflies subside, friendship is usually what real relationships are made of, right? I feel though that we have lost the art of making friends. I think part of the reason is because a lot of people feel they don't have time to make friends. If you're over 30 and you're ready to get married perhaps because you believe your biological clock is ticking, amongst other reasons, you wouldn't be trying to devote time to making friends with a guy before actually officially dating him,right? Like, who has the time for that! Lol. I guess that's why a lot of people say you should check out your childhood friends to see if there are any eligible bachelors or bachelorettes you can get with. But what do you do when none of your childhood friends make the cut? I don't believe that the length of time you've known someone determines the success of your marriage. I've seen enough evidence to conclude that there is no formula when it's comes to duration of the friendship and how that determines martial succes. So I guess it's safe to say it's the quality and not quantity that counts. But if your childhood friends, who you've known for a long time don't make the cut, how do you start making new friends in what seems to be a bit late in the game and ensure that you have a solid enough friendship to proceed?

You'll often hear me say that people need to be true to themselves and each other in relationships. I believe that's what real friendships are built on - openness, honesty, truthfulness, and just a general sense of "I can be myself with this person", no facades (man, do I hate facades or what!). I also think this is something that can be done later in life with a little more conscious effort because it seems like what happens when people meet someone these days is they automatically start checking off the list to see if the person is 'spouse material" and this doesn't leave room for people to get to know each other without any strings attached. Would you agree? So, if you don't have anyone in the picture that you can truly call a "friend", what do you do?

My recommendation is simply don't be quick to start an "official" relationship. When two people meet and there's instant physical attraction and connection, the next step is to pursue (as initiated by either person cos I hear girls ACTIVELY and FIERCELY chase these days. Lol). But I think if and when possible, the urge should be resisted and I'll tell you why. I strongly believe that when we don't resist the urge to act on our emotions and attractions towards someone, we are usually bound to make mistakes and misjudge the person. Our judgement would be clouded by the most irrelevant traits the person possesses (physical/emotional in this case). So for example, for ladies who like "fine boys", when one approaches you, chances are you would give in even before you start to consider his other traits. Think about it for a second...Or if he's "loaded" a.k.a. has a lot of dough, and that's a strong point for the woman, she would also start to give in before considering his other qualities. This stuff is usually subconscious too. I'm not saying people shouldn't have standards (I believe very strongly in standards) but we gotta let the most important things drive our choices. Stuff like is he/she a good person (however you define good), do you enjoy his/her company, do you have similar interests, etc. This is stuff we all know, right? And this is stuff that takes time to appreciate and stuff you discover in a platonic relationship. But sometimes, when desperate times (e.g. clock ticking) seem to call for desperate measures, we might base our decisions on "he has money so we'll be financially secure" and "I'm physically attracted to her" and say "we'll develop a friendship as we go along" and I think that could be a recipe for disaster. It's worked for some by the special grace of God but I think it's safer to take time to get to know people well enough. Wait things out and you might find that you really don't like them as a whole afterall or you might find that their entire "package" is quite spectacular but only after you've given it some time.

For those of you thinking you've been single too long to try and start making friends now cos you feel it's a waste of time what about the relationships that didn't work?  You might consider those time wasted (even though I believe every experience teaches us something) so I say why not risk "wasting" time again strategically, if you know what I mean (it wouldn't be a waste but figuratively speaking). Afterall, they say, "if you want to get what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done." Let's start making friends again. Don't dwell on the possibilty of a relationship with people. Free your mind. Notice stuff about them with a clear mind. Easier said, I know, but you gotta make a conscious effort this time. And you never know within a few months, you'll know enough, no strings attached and it just might blossom. This would also mean making many friends. This is not just for one person. Get to know as many people as possible. Be open. Be free.

What do you guys think? Do you agree that we've lost the art of making friends?

P.S. If you missed my voice note, here it is :-D


Picture courtesy of catholicmatch.com