Birds of A Feather…

We say we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but can you judge a book by its genre i.e. the company around it? This is one of the questions on my mind at the moment. I remember thinking once that a person’s sibling(s) can be the reason why you don’t marry them cause you don’t want to deal with their drama. How about a person’s friends though? Sometimes you meet a guy or girl and when you evaluate the people they’re hanging out with (at the time you meet them or perhaps their usual crowd), you might be tempted to “judge” them accordingly. I say “judge” because it’s not in the harsh sense of the word but more that you categorize them and decide that based on the company they keep, you couldn’t possibly get with them. Period.  But is that fair? Some people are nothing like their friends and I don’t mean anything extremely bad y’all. Just personal preferences. So maybe some examples are in order: You meet a girl who’s hanging out with a bunch of LOUD girls. They’re out, they’re having a good time, and they’re loud (lol) and I know some guys don’t do loud girls. Loud in terms of their pitch. It’s true. I’m not making it up. But what if the girl just happens to have loud friends and she herself isn’t loud? Is it fair to judge her based on her friends’ behavior? Or you meet a guy and he’s hanging with a bunch of “bad boys” – whatever that means -  and so you write him off as a “bad boy” (if “bad boy” isn’t your spec) but what if he just happens to have “bad boy” friends and isn’t one himself.

My question is do “birds of a feather [really] flock together”? Can you really evaluate a person based on their friends? Some people like having diverse friends to make life more colorful so how do you ensure that you’re not missing a good person because of your quick judgment? It’s a tough one though in some regard because people do rub off on each other (but not always) so if you do take a chance with someone whose friends you don’t like, there’s no guarantee that they won’t become like their friends, right? I mean they do say “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” So many people say that a person’s friends are indeed a good indicator of the kind of person they are.

What do y’all think? Is that ALWAYS the case? In what cases can you take a chance, confident that he/she won’t be influenced by their friends? What happens when their friends start to rub off on them? Peer pressure as you get older isn’t as hard to deal with (or is it?) so it shouldn’t be an issue, no? In some ways I don’t think it should be and in other ways, I think we do in fact have to pay attention to the “birds” that they hang with. I think it can become an issue ladies, when the guy hangs with guys who think it’s ok to cheat or guys, she hangs out with majorly materialistic girls who will encourage her to clean you dry but these are things that you might not be able to pick up unless you actually hang with their friends as well. *sigh*

So, what’s the solution? Do you think we should give people a chance or take a cue from their friends in determining the kind of person they are?

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  1. Nice post Aderonke, I think you bring up some valid questions. I too believe that the friends one keeps is a good indicator of what that person is truly like. However as I read your post, I kept on reflecting on the difference between friends and acquaintances. Over the last couple of years, I've had to be strict about making a distinction between who I considered real friends and just acquaintances or social buddies, which is the environment where one might see someone and be inclined to make an assessment of who that person is.

    For instance, I might hang with party people on occasion, but I personally don't consider myself a party boy.

    If you get the opportunity to be one on one with that person, focus on how they make you feel, and not as much on who you remember them hanging out with.

    1. Thanks Sims! Very good points. Yeah, it's most important to focus on the person.

  2. We written ronke, i always believe never judge a book by it's cover ( a la pete rock cl smooth) and that normally works for me. However one cannot rule out the fact that friends do rub off especially the ones you grew up with when you were in secondary school. But all said and done, as one gets older and disappointments start setting in here and there, it will not be that hard for you to be able to make out a person even within the crowd of friends.


    1. Thank you! I hear ya. Thanks for sharing.


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