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The Love Chest was founded by Aderonke Adebanjo, a broadcaster, writer, singer, and Love Activist.
The "Green Light"
“Does he know you like him?” This is a question yours truly gets whenever she tells her friends, particularly guy friends, that she likes a guy. Yeah, I be having crushes too :p Lol! I usually find that question a bit tough to answer because I’m never really sure how/if a guy knows you like him especially if you’re a generally friendly girl. It seems nowadays guys need a lot of “green light” from girls perhaps so they don’t have to deal with as much iso* guys back in the day had to deal with. But from my conversations, it seems a lot girls don’t really know how much is enough or too much green light to give. Now,please note that some girls have this whole green light thing down pat and guys KNOW when these girls like them so this is not for you if you’re that kind of girl. Lol. This is for the ladies who are somewhat confused or rather unsure of how much green light to give. I find it’s the traditional girls that struggle with this. Traditional girls believe the guy has to do the preliminary work in the chase, which I think is fair but guys these days seem to prefer some help. A little signal here, a little signal there. So, guys, you gotta help me out here. Please share with the ladies what kinds of signals would be helpful. Most girls don’t give any green light at all for fear of appearing desperate. Other don’t for fear of rejection, in the event he doesn’t heed the green light.
I’m sure y’all know exactly what I mean by “green light”, but just in case, lemme explain:Giving the “green light” is basically doing and/or saying anything over a period of time that shows a guy you like him and are interested in him thereby giving him the go-ahead to approach you. It can get a little tricky though because what I find from observation and conversation are a few scenarios:
-If the girl gives the green light but the guy isn’t feeling her, he would (might) find it irritating/annoying and would obviously ignore her
-If the girl gives the green light and she gives a little too much of it, again, he might find it annoying and even if he liked her before and was planning on pursuing her, he might change his mind
-If she gives the green light but it’s not the kind he’s accustomed to, understands, or prefers, he might misread it, completely ignore it, or be put off by it
*HUGE SIGH* Do you see why a lot girls struggle with this whole green light thing. So what typically happens is to avoid any of the uncomfortable, awkward, and humiliating outcomes listed about (and there are more), most girls would rather not give the green light at all and would prefer to just wait hoping that if the guy likes her enough, green light or no green light, he will approach her.
So guys, here’s a chance to make it plain and share your views on the green light concept. Is it necessary for a girl to give you the green light? Please share your thoughts.
Ladies, what's your take on this?
The guys have spoken! I asked some guys the following question and I thought their responses might interest you:
Guys, if I like you, what’s the best way to show you?
~ Call to say hi and see how I’m doing. That’s just right.
~ By smiling. A smile and just being yourself.
~ Buying me a subscription to The Economist. [Lol. My response to him: That’s something your girlfriend would do not a girl who likes you and wants you to know she’s interested] Then constantly request for my company.
~ By saying it... The truth is the guy needs to discover it for himself.
~ Tell me.
~ Support my dream. Push me to becoming the great man I see myself becomin.
~Say “I like you”. Or if you’re shy say“I think I kinda like you”. I vote that words are still the clearest and best means of communication.
~ I dunno but whatever you do, don’t tell me in words that you do…at least not at the onset. You can show me in a million ways but don’t tell me in English, Spanish, or any other language.
Guys, wanna add to this? J
** November 28, 2012
*Yoruba word that means harsh rejection Picture courtesy of ipi-srl.com