The "Green Light"
“Does he know you like him?” This is a question yours truly gets whenever she tells her friends, particularly guy friends, that she likes a guy. Yeah, I be having crushes too :p Lol! I usually find that question a bit tough to answer because I’m never really sure how/if a guy knows you like him especially if you’re a generally friendly girl. It seems nowadays guys need a lot of “green light” from girls perhaps so they don’t have to deal with as much iso* guys back in the day had to deal with. But from my conversations, it seems a lot girls don’t really know how much is enough or too much green light to give. Now, please note that some girls have this whole green light thing down pat and guys KNOW when these girls like them so this is not for you if you’re that kind of girl. Lol. This is for the ladies who are somewhat confused or rather unsure of how much green light to give. I find it’s the traditional girls that struggle with this. Traditional girls believe the guy has to do the preliminary work in the chase, which I think is fair but guys these days seem to prefer some help. A little signal here, a little signal there. So, guys, you gotta help me out here. Please share with the ladies what kinds of signals would be helpful. Most girls don’t give any green light at all for fear of appearing desperate. Other don’t for fear of rejection, in the event he doesn’t heed the green light.
I’m sure y’all know exactly what I mean by “green light”, but just in case, lemme explain: Giving the “green light” is basically doing and/or saying anything over a period of time that shows a guy you like him and are interested in him thereby giving him the go-ahead to approach you. It can get a little tricky though because what I find from observation and conversation are a few scenarios:
- If the girl gives the green light but the guy isn’t feeling her, he would (might) find it irritating/annoying and would obviously ignore her
- If the girl gives the green light and she gives a little too much of it, again, he might find it annoying and even if he liked her before and was planning on pursuing her, he might change his mind
- If she gives the green light but it’s not the kind he’s accustomed to, understands, or prefers, he might misread it, completely ignore it, or be put off by it
*HUGE SIGH* Do you see why a lot girls struggle with this whole green light thing. So what typically happens is to avoid any of the uncomfortable, awkward, and humiliating outcomes listed about (and there are more), most girls would rather not give the green light at all and would prefer to just wait hoping that if the guy likes her enough, green light or no green light, he will approach her.
So guys, here’s a chance to make it plain and share your views on the green light concept. Is it necessary for a girl to give you the green light? Please share your thoughts.
Ladies, what's your take on this?
Ladies, what's your take on this?
UPDATE!!!**
The guys have spoken! I asked some guys the following question and I thought their responses might interest you:
Guys, if I like you, what’s the best way to show you?
~ Call to say hi and see how I’m doing. That’s just right.
~ By smiling. A smile and just being yourself.
~ Buying me a subscription to The Economist. [Lol. My response to him: That’s something your girlfriend would do not a girl who likes you and wants you to know she’s interested] Then constantly request for my company.
~ By saying it... The truth is the guy needs to discover it for himself.
~ Tell me.
~ Support my dream. Push me to becoming the great man I see myself becomin.
~Say “I like you”. Or if you’re shy say “I think I kinda like you”. I vote that words are still the clearest and best means of communication.
~ I dunno but whatever you do, don’t tell me in words that you do…at least not at the onset. You can show me in a million ways but don’t tell me in English, Spanish, or any other language.
Guys, wanna add to this? J
** November 28, 2012
*Yoruba word that means harsh rejection
Picture courtesy of ipi-srl.com
Picture courtesy of ipi-srl.com
Nice one
ReplyDeleteThanks! :)
DeleteI don't know about all this 'green light' stuff. Yes, women should be friendly and approachable, but all this flashing green lights stuff at men to get them to date you isn't really it, in my opinion. Besides, there's no pleasing guy. You do the whole modern, 21st century woman and come on to them, you're labelled as desperate and agressive. You act like a lady and wait for them to approach you, they say you're not giving them 'green light'. Let's all just be who we are. If coming on to guys is your thing, then please, feel free. If not, just be you and a good thing will hopefully come along.
ReplyDelete"To thyself be true." I feel you. Thanks for sharing!
DeleteEr.... I'm not sure about some of these responses. I daresay some of the guys didn't understand your question.Take the 'support my dream' guy; how's she suppose to know what your dreams are when she barely knows who HE is?? Then the one who wants to be 'shown' not told; that's just a player who'll be off like a shot once the girl tells him. Like I said before, this 'green light' thing isn't for everyone. I advocate just being you. Forget the lights. Someone who really likes you won't wait for any signals. He'll just go for it.
ReplyDeleteLol!!I hear ya! I told that guy she can't support him cos that's what his girlfriend would do not a girl who's interested in him. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
DeleteI think it's important to not assume there's a general rule for all guys. Some guys(like me) are very attracted to confident women; some are threatened; some guys might just not be into you, regardless of whether they like the coy or the honest approach... and each of these scenarious can happen multiple times.
ReplyDeleteMy personal opinion is that noone who is genuinely into you should be put off by you saying that you're into him. If a guy is put off by your admission, shrug, sigh and move on.
Believing in happy-ever-after with one person means accepting that it won't work out with every single person you fall for... except one.
That's true! No guy who is really into a girl should be put off cos she tells him she like him! Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ré :)
DeleteThe best way to show me you like me, is to laugh at my jokes. That tells me two things (1). You're not stuck up and (2). You have a sense of humour which is something that means a lot to me. However this laughing at my jokes thing could backfire if further down the road it turns out you don't actually like my jokes and you only laughed at them in order to reel me in so to speak. *Sad face*. Fantastic article as always by the way.
ReplyDelete- Tito
Lol!! Thanks Tito! :)
DeleteAlso, while its true that giving green lights and passing signals to guys is not for every woman, I think chicks should at least try when the see a guy that they'd really, really like to get to know. Smile or walk up to him and ask for directions or something. At least you'll know you tried. And don't be afraid of red lights. Us brothers see those 'red lights' allllll the time. Lol. Some brothers stay sittin' @ those red lights waiting for them to turn green. We pass by some of those guys and we're like, 'Dude, you're still here?' And their reply is, "This light has to turn green sometime. And when it does, I'll be here." Lol. So don't be too afraid to try something ladies. I mean, if an Idris Elba look-alike was sitting at the next table, would you 'traditional' sisters still play it cool?
ReplyDeleteHad me laughing at the brothers still at the red light! Lol!!! I think some girls get really shy when they like a guy so they might even give the wrong signals and chase the dude away. Hehehe @ Idria Elba...some might still play it cool ;)
DeleteJust show interest. BBM/text him, call him every now and then, maybe even suggest a hang out if he's free and see how he responds. If he's got half a brain he will get it. If not, then you don't want that boy anyway.
ReplyDeletehmm unfortunately the games are necessary...I've finally accepted that. A lady should give just enough green light to get the guy to chase her.
ReplyDelete