Top 5 Reasons Why He's NOT "The One" (Part 2)

I was hanging out with a funny bunch the other day and we got into a conversation about the reasons why a guy wouldn’t be “The One” based on Part 1 of this post. One of them said one reason why a guy wouldn’t be “The One” is if his mama don’t like you! Hmm. I think it is SUPER important to have your guy’s mum in your corner, especially if he’s really close to her cos it would make the relationship easier. It would also offer a sign of things to come in terms of the in-law relationship if the relationship results in marriage. However, even though it’s important for his mum to like you, I’m not sure if that should completely disqualify him as ‘The One”. You would have to thoroughly evaluate the situation and decide whether or not you can be with someone whose mother doesn’t like you as there are many things to consider  e.g. why she doesn’t like you, how he treats you in front of his mother, his opinion of the situation, etc.
Anyways, here are the remaining three reasons why I think he wouldn’t be “The One”:
You Don’t Respect Him
Every time I ask guys what they desire in a woman, respect is usually one of the top three qualities they look for. Every man wants to be respected by his woman. It has a lot to do with the way guys are wired and with their egos. A man wants to be the man and feel like the man. He wants to feel like his woman holds him in high esteem. It’s interesting cos it seems a lot of women cringe when they hear the word respect because it comes off as a harsh word and the picture that a lot of people associate with respect is the kind between a child and adult or subordinate and superior and those kinds of images don’t help. I don’t think respect in this context is about him being domineering. When a guy seeks respect from his girl, I believe it relates to how he wants her to see him and consequently how he wants her to treat him. I think it’s about holding him in high esteem, admiration, and looking up to him and consequently treating him accordingly i.e. not being rude or talking down at him. I also see respect as submission (another word women cringe at). I think being able to submit to your man is not and should not be seen as an inferior/superior type relationship. Rather, it has a lot to do with being able to follow his lead and trust his leadership, decision-making skills, and wisdom. Now, this doesn’t mean that he can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t seek counsel from his girl but it means she sees him as her covering, her head (yet another word women cringe at. Lol!!), and her MAN. So ladies, if you don’t respect (admire) him or look up to him, if you don’t see him as someone whose lead you can follow, and if you can’t submit to his lead then he’s not “The One”. 
You Don’t Believe in Him
If you dig his vision as I talked about earlier but you think he’s CRAZY and that he will never be able to do any of the WILD stuff he dreams about then he ain’t “The One”. A woman is a help meet. She’s a man’s backbone. You know they say “behind/beside (take your pick. Lol) every strong man is a good woman” and it is so true. You can dig his vision and respect  (admire) him for all he does and hopes to do but if you don’t believe in him and his ability to achieve what he wants to do then he’s not for you. Every man needs a woman that will believe in his crazy ideas especially those dreams he’s “ashamed” to share with anyone because even he doesn’t (always) believe in his ability to achieve them. He needs a woman that will speak words of life into his vision. In some ways, guys are like babies who need constant reassurance and encouragement (that doesn’t mean they are weak by the way). They need a woman who will bring out the best in them with what she says and how she behaves. A woman who laughs at or scoffs at his dreams is not for him. Have you noticed how most guys change after they get married (to the right woman)? They glow. I believe it’s because they have a companion who is an encourager, partner, confidant, etc. So ladies, even if you dig his vision and you respect him, if you just can’t bring yourself to believe in his ability to achieve his vision, then he is NOT “The One”.
He’s Not Your Friend
Think about it for a second: After all is said and done, you can be attracted to a guy, dig his vision, respect him, believe in him, and NOT be his (real) friend. You probably know a lot of guys like that. I always say “marry your friend” because I believe friendship is the best foundation for a life-long commitment a.k.a. marriage. True friendship means you both are true to yourselves and to each other. It means you are real with one another. It means you accept each other for who you are (imperfections and all). It means you are open and honest and you discuss your dreams and fears without restraint and without judgment. It means he/she is your personal person as we say in Nigeria. These are things you won’t get in someone who’s just your lover or partner. So, when the butterflies go away for a bit (and I hear they do), you can fall back on the backbone of your relationship – your friendship. I think it is friendship that solidifies, grows, and strengthens a marriage because it is (should be) the foundation upon which everything else is built and sustained. So ladies, no matter how cute he is, no matter how ambitious he is, no matter how much you respect him, no matter how much you believe in his abilities, if he is not your TRUE friend, then he’s NOT “The One”.
So, what do y’all think? Please share some of the reasons why you think a guy wouldn’t be ‘”The One”.


  1. Very true, Aderonke. Your thoughts on the isssue are spot-on. Keep up the good effort.

  2. And if one never finds these things? Then what?

  3. I agree with u totally but I av just one question should genotype be a barrier to marriage ie AS n AS even when u av found d perfect guy

    1. That's a tough one. Only the two of you can decide (prayfully) what to do. If it's your situation, all the best!

  4. Very true, very spot on. Completely agree. It's crucial to marry your friend.


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