How to PICK the Guy Who's Right For You!

I have a background in Human Resources, particularly recruitment and I was thinking the other day about how similar the recruitment process is to figuring out who to date and consequently who to marry. This really got me thinking… Ladies, this one particularly applies to you. Let me explain.

There are key players/elements in every recruitment process. I will list them with the corresponding player/element on the dating scene. This should be fun! :)

- The Recruiter: This is the woman because while the men are the hunters, the women are the decision makers in the ideal situation i.e. they decide if they will agree to date the guy. For the purposes of this post, let’s say the recruiter is also the Department Head seeking a job candidate i.e. she’s recruiting for her own department.

- The Job Opening: This is the relationship that the woman is interested in having and the opening means she is ready for a relationship.

- The Job Description: This is a detailed description of what the woman is looking for in a guy and a spouse. It’s the must haves, the wants, the no-nos, etc. It’s having a CLEAR understanding of what you want in a spouse and being able to articulate it with a great amount of clarity. After all, if you’re confused about it, how would you know when the right guy is standing in front of you?

- The Job Candidates: These are the guys who are interested in dating the woman and make it clear by “submitting” their resumes/CVs and by requesting an “interview” with her.

It gets juicer...

- The Resume/CV: This is all the stuff a guy tells a woman about himself verbally and non-verbally (through his behavior). It is a description of himself in as much detail as can be captured in the available time leading up to the woman making a decision regarding whether or not she will date him. This is how the guy puts his best foot forward to convince the woman that he is the best candidate for the “job” (relationship).

- The Interview Stages: As with many high-profile jobs, there are several interview stages because one interview just isn’t enough to determine if the candidate is suitable for the job. Likewise in the dating process, several “interviews” i.e. dates are necessary for the woman to determine if the guy is suitable for her. Take your time. Have as many dates as necessary with the same guy and other guys. Ask the right questions. Watch their behavior. As harsh as it sounds, go ahead and interview him/them! Do what you gotta do girl!

- The Background Check: After a recruiter determines that the candidate is suitable for the job, they usually request a background check on the candidate conducted through an independent agency in order to get references from past employers on the eligibility and work ethic of the candidate. This will help them to further determine whether or not they want to hire the candidate. This is one step in the dating process that many women skip even though it is a VERY crucial step. This is the point where a woman realizes she likes the guy and should try to get information about him – directly or indirectly. She can get information online; from his friends/family, if she has access to them; his co-workers; Church members, etc. This can be a bit tricky because she needs to make sure she’s getting the information from people who REALLY have HER best interest at heart. She can ask subtle questions and even without asking any questions at all, she can simply pay very close attention to what people say and don’t say about him. Whatever the case, this is a step not to be skipped!

- The New Hire: This is the point where the woman has all the information she needs one each candidate (guy) and makes a decision on which one to date. He is considered the best and last man standing who got the job!

- The Orientation: This is when she announces to her friends that they are dating and starts to introduce him to key people in her “department/organization” i.e. her world.

- The Probation Period: Similar to what happens on the job, this is a specified period (weeks/months) when the woman doesn’t let the pressure of the new relationship cloud her judgment.  She basically pays VERY close attention and keeps a close eye on the guy as they get to know each other. Traits (good and bad) that she missed during the “recruitment” process begin to emerge and she must note them down as they will determine how far the relationship can and should go.

- Review after Probation Period: This is when the recruiter calls a meeting with the new hire to discuss his performance so far and how well he’s doing in relation to the Job Description and whether or not he is a good fit for the job. This is also when the candidate is told in what areas he needs to improve. It is in this meeting that the recruiter decides if the company wants to let him go because he just didn’t meet up with the requirements for the job or if they want to keep him on. On the dating scene, the meeting might not be as explicit but it is a “meeting” (through a series of conversations) that must be had sooner than later so that no one is wasting anyone’s time.

- Confirmation: If the candidate passes the probation review in flying colors, the relationship is well on its way to potential marriage!

- Annual Review: While in a relationship, this review most likely won’t happen annually but rather earlier, reviews are important nonetheless to make sure that the relationship is on the right track and is meeting each person’s needs and expectations. “Reviews” must be scheduled, not formally, but in whatever way works for the couple so that both of them are on the same page and so that if in fact the relationship is meant to be, it continues and ultimately leads to marriage!

Throughout the recruitment process, there will be many external voices that will offer their two cents on the job candidates but it is up to the recruiter to decide if the candidates can do what is listed in the Job Description. Even after hiring the candidate, the recruiter is still expected to keep a close watch on the hired candidate during the probation period to make sure the candidate doesn’t slack on the job because it is the recruiter and no one else who really knows what is required for the job.

At no time in the process should the recruiter feel pressure to hire any candidate without following the process required. Also, the recruiter should never feel like she must give in to pressure and skip any step in the process. She must follow her gut but also due process to ensure she makes the right selection. 

If recruiters put that much effort into ensuring that they get the right candidate for a job, it goes without saying that picking a guy for a relationship should require similar effort. Relationships are no joke especially when marriage is the goal. I really think women especially shouldn’t give in to pressure but must pay close attention to the relationship “recruitment” process and be very clear about what they want and don’t want. Remember, don’t let external pressure or even pressure you have put on yourself hinder you from taking things one step at a time similar to the interview process so that with prayer, you make the best choice and pick the candidate a.k.a the guy that is RIGHT for you!