Lately, whenever I think of the amazing man I would like to marry (yes, I think about him. You know you think of yours too!), I’ve been asking myself what I’ll be bringing to my relationship table. You know it’s so easy for us to list all the things we want in our spouse and sometimes I think we make demands on another human being without giving any thought to what we will be giving them. Having great expectations and standards is great but let’s turn the tables for a second.
What will you be bringing to the table? When you get married and your spouse thinks about you, what would you like them to think of you? What kind of husband or wife will you be and are you working towards making yourself better to be just that and even more? Will you be fun, supportive, helpful, kind, generous, romantic, loving, caring, thoughtful, gentle, sweet, kind-hearted, polite, patient, forgiving, respectful, loyal, a good listener? Would you like him/her to be all that and more? Well, I think it’s only fair that we try to be what we want and desire in another person. This is not to say that you won’t have qualities that complement each other i.e. he/she will have qualities that you don’t have and vice versa (which in some ways make the relationship more exciting) but when it comes to the basics like generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc., I think those should be reciprocated and we should all work on bringing them to our “relationship tables”.
Think about it for a second, when all of the wedding excitement goes away, things can get pretty mundane and a person would have to be deliberate in their dealings with their spouse. If the basic qualities that make a great spouse don’t already come naturally to you, it can make the relationship a lot harder considering all the other things couples have to deals with i.e. work, traffic, in-laws, kids, etc. Now you might think you’re all of those things and more but if you ask trusted friends and family, you might be amazed at how much work you still need to do.
So what am I saying in a nutshell? I’m saying we should all do some soul-searching. Take some time out today and bring out that list of things you want in a spouse, if you have one (I certainly have one and while it got shorter over time, I revisited it recently and it is long again! Lol!), review it, and ask yourself how well you score on the qualities you seek in your spouse. Even if you are not in a relationship at the moment, start thinking of ways to improve on those qualities. Practice kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, etc. Don’t think you’ll figure it out once you’re in love because while you might at the beginning of the relationship, once things settle down and “see finish enters the matter” as my people say, you might start to slip.
Also, think about what you want your husband/wife to think whenever you come to mind. Picture yourself married and think of the kind of wife/husband you would be (based on who you are now) and the kind of wife/husband you want to be and should be. Marriage is day to day, day in day out. What kind of person will you be in that marriage? What are you bringing to the table? When your spouse will think of you, what words will describe you?
Think about it!
P.S. Don’t get me wrong, there are other things to bring to the table as well but I focused on character traits on this one :)