How to Meet New People This Year!

Ok, so the Christmas festivities are over and it's back to business as usual. If you're single, you're probably asking yourself "now what?". If you read my previous article about the "Year in Review" for last year and the questions you should ask yourself about why you were still single at the end of another year, you might remember that the first question I asked was if you met any new people last year. (Click here to read the entire article). 

If your answer was no and you truly want to be more deliberate about meeting new people this year, I want to share some pointers I think might help.

You see, it's one thing to want to meet new people, it's another to have a plan to make it happen. And now that things have settled down after the Christmas festivities and it's back to the same ole, same ole, you might find yourself slipping back into your normal routine, which never included a deliberate plan to meet new people. So the question is what are you going to do to meet new people this year? Think about it. And remember going out of your way to meet new people isn't just about finding love, it's also about enriching your life's experiences. 

Many people, women in particular, think that they aren't supposed to DO anything to go out of their way to meet new people because it might make them feel and look desperate but the truth is, at the end of the day, you are going to marry just one person so on the journey to meeting that person, there's nothing wrong with meeting other people along the way. It will add value to you as you add value to them. 

So what can we do to meet new people?

Attend more events this year

Yeah, you've heard this before. I know. But think about how many times last year you were invited to an event but you didn't go because you just couldn't be bothered. You're a homebody, I know, and quite frankly, you'd rather be home on a Friday night, curled up on the couch, binge watching your favorite shows and chatting with your remaining single friends because the married ones don't have your time anymore. Lol. You've gotten used to that. It's your thing. But you HAVE to get out of that You don't have to attend every single event out there but you must attend more events. And where do you find these events you ask? Everywhere! Pay attention. Follow event listing handles on Instagram, check Facebook for upcoming events and other websites that list events. Take note of the events that interest you and go! 

Remember in the podcast I did with Paul C. Brunson, he talked about values. Select events that speak to your values. Be very deliberate about the kinds of events you decide to attend so that they bring you in contact with like-minded people. Sometimes you'll need to be brave and go alone and other times, you'll take a friend along (and friends not being available to attend shouldn't stop you). You might also have to spend some money on some of the events (so have a "going out" budget this year). The point is try to attend at least one or two NEW social events every month - and by the way, Church doesn't count! Lol.

Get involved in Church this year

Speaking of Church. Let this be the year you join a department/unit in Church and get involved because really, unless your Church deliberately creates events for singles to meet (which a lot of people don't even attend), most single people bail after service and very rarely do single guys randomly walk up to single ladies to introduce themselves (who wants to get "isho" after a great service? Lol). But when you get involved, you will meet more people who you might end up dating or who might introduce you to someone you will date or who will do neither but will simply add to your network and help enrich your life's experiences. So get involved! And attend events at other Churches as well! If "see finish" has happened and you don't see any of the brothas or sistas in your Church in a romantic light, then visit other Churches. Remember, with discernment in mind, Church is a great place to meet like-minded people who share similar values with you.

Get more involved ONLINE this year!

Yeah, chat groups can be pretty annoying but be selective and join a few and get involved. Join in on the conversations, make comments, ask questions, be more visible. You just never know who's interest you'll pique. Also, dust off your LinkedIn profile and make more connections - for business connections of course *wink* but who knows what could come of the connections with regards to love (I'm just saying). And knowing the person's professional accomplishments and ambitions is a great way to discern their values as well. 

So don't just scroll through Instagram and Facebook and do nothing else online. And speaking of Facebook, when people (of the opposite gender) "add" you on Facebook, check out your mutual friends and if your mutual friends are people you are comfortable with and know pretty well, accept their friend request! Stop shying away from meeting someone online. And guys, don't be afraid of sliding into a lady's DM. 

Let's talk about "Sliding Into People's DM" etiquette real quick. Ladies, when a guy slides into your DM, and you've checked out your mutual friends and he gets the all clear and as such is not a creep, respond and be polite. Not everyone is trying to toast you. And if you're not feeling him like that and he persists, politely tell him, in your own way, that you're not interested. And men, when you slide into a woman's DM, please PAY ATTENTION!! If she's not feeling you (and you'll know when she isn't), LET. IT. GO. and don't become a pest. Yes, rejection is awful but dust yourself off and keep it moving!

Plan your own events this year!

So, nothing is happening on the weekend, you're bored, and you want to meet new people, how's about you create your own event? Organize a meet up at a restaurant (or have a house party or game night) and ask friends to bring at least one of their friends that you don't know. Remember, the goal is to meet new people and grow your network and to do so, you have to be intentional in your planning. 

I mean, aren't you tired of seeing the same ole facing at pretty much every event you attend? Some events have become so predictable and you know exactly who will be there. Boring! Stay away from those types of events as much as possible this year. Look for more refreshing events with new faces. There are more people in your city, with similar interests as you and they are outside your usual circle, so find them! Let me give you a good example: I run Spanish and French Clubs for individuals in Lagos who speak the languages and want to meet other speakers. If this sounds interesting to you, send an email to and join us! (P.S. I speak Spanish :))

Here's another thing I want to mention. It's one thing to meet new people, it's another thing to connect with them and it's a completely different thing to stay in touch. Let's break it down real quick because I think it's very important to do so:

Meeting New People

We've talked about the "how" to get to where they are and/or bring them to you. Once you've done that, it's also very important to be approachable and/or to approach. Many people attend events and sit with their friends throughout. What's the point of that? I personally think event organizers, depending on the type of event, need to do better with ice breakers and creating ways for people to meet but when those clear cut ways aren't available, you have to break protocol and find a way. If you see someone you know talking to a group of people you don't know (of the opposite gender or not), walk up to them, say hi to your friend, introduce yourself to the group, and try to have a decent chat with at least on person in the group before you walk away. And if the scenario  permits, give the person your business card. If there's one thing you've gotta do this year, it's to carry your business card with you when you go out! It'll make the "can I have your number?" situations a lot easier to handle. Ladies, if he's not asking for your number and you are feeling him, please give him your card!! Remember, you are going to marry just one person so get to know others along the way! Away with shyness! And no, it won't make you look desperate :)

Connecting With People

Make it a point to find out what you and the new person you've just met have in common. Ask questions but don't interrogate! Be genuinely interested in people this year - not for what you can get from them but because they are a person with an incredible back story that just might amuse you. You might not connect with everyone but try to. Ask where they grew up, what secondary school/university they attended, where they've lived, what they enjoy doing in their spare time, how they get through Lagos craziness, their favorite cuisine. Have these types of simple but interesting conversations and you might find you have so much in common. Be sure to do this with people of the same and opposite gender. (Oh and try not to ask "so what do you do?" as your first question)

Staying in Touch

Now this is where most people drop the ball. You had a great evening out. You met some interesting people, you exchanged business cards and then...nothing. You don't reach out after that. Tsk, tsk, tsk! Whether it's a person of the same or opposite gender, reach out! Especially if you had a great conversation. Send an email, a text, or even call! Please don't Whatsapp. Don't. At least not as your first method of contact after your first meeting. So many people have let potentially great friendships and even possible relationships go because they didn't stay in touch. For some, it's pride. For others, its shyness.Whatever it is, let it go and reach out! You might not date them but you might gain a new friend and thereby open yourself up to amazing experiences. They might even invite you to their next event where you might meet "The One". I mean, the possibilities are endless!!

There you have it! It's a new start, a clean slate. The onus is now on you to try a different approach if you want a different result. 

It was a long read but I hope it helps! Best wishes!

I'd love to hear from you. Tell me, what's the one thing that keeps you from meeting new people? Can you put your finger on it?


  1. Thank you for this Aderonke, I'm in a relationship but i realize i don't have friends and my network is very sparse. One major reason i find is the fact that I'm extremely shy and i really hate rejection. But i intend to do better this new year and meet more people.

    1. You're welcome :) Start small and take it from there. Don't let the fear of rejection keep you away from potentially incredible relationships and experiences. Best wishes!

  2. Long, worthwhile read though. I think for me, it's the fear of seeming desperate. I grew up with boys and I know too much about how men think. I can't fathom the idea of having a Pizza or Ice Cream alone. Not coz I don't love my own company, but coz they (guys) see such girls as waiting for someone to approach her. Secondly, my hobby is reading (yeah, that one thing you don't do with people. Lol); except a person/outing is interesting enough to get me outta my room.... Thirdly, being a health practitioner is not very helpful. Lol! Mostly you with boring people all day and you are intact the 'fun' person they all wanna hang around. Finally, I think being born again means there are some people/places I just am not genuinely interested in being. I'm quite wary of who I know and who knows me, where I go, who I am seen with, who I make friends with and all that. As a matter of fact, I LOVE meeting people and traveling (my friends will typically seek me out for that typical 'do you know anybody in Xyz...' I am unsure why that doesn't translate to meeting 'him'. Lol! But I guess I'd be glad to go out more often if there's excitement, cool (unassuming, non-conforming, non-discriminating, down-to-earth) people of both sexes there. Oh! And yeah, I'm Sapiosexual...!

    1. I say go out alone and don't consider what the guys might think! Regarding reading, join a book club! The possibilities are endless :) Remember you gotta be deliberate ;)

  3. Great article I must say. I enjoyed every bit of it. Aderonke how about you organize a singles' meet up for a certain age range( say 25 to 40) because like the poster just above me stated, hanging out by yourself makes you look like such a desperadoe. Anyway, long and short of it is I have resolved to go out more often this year but because I don't have a lot of friends, I rarely get invites to weddings and events. Pls think about organizing this meet up so at least you know that everyone there is open to meeting new people( of both sexes) and not the usual forming of we Lagos girls lol.
    P:s I need to subscribe to your blog

    1. I'm glad you enjoyed the article! :) Please send me an email so I can add you to the mailing list for events

  4. Nice!

    I especially like the idea of Planing your own events and asking friends to bring someone you don't know.

  5. Nice one here. I couldn't let go in the spirit of reaching out.
    I will be attentive to using these tips in the course of the year.

  6. Nice 1. I really need this tip. Thank so much.

  7. Very nice article Aderonke and timely too. Thank you very much. I'm a bit of a shy person, I like to mind my business and hate rejection. But I will work more on your tips especially being genuinely interested in people. Pls can u add me to your mailing list for events. Thanks

  8. Very nice tips Aderonke and timely too. I'm a bit of a shy person, I like minding my business and hate rejection but I will work more on your tips especially being genuinely interested in people. Pls can you add me to your mailing list for events. Thanks

  9. That's It! I'm attending more events this year!
    Also, more chat groups too.
    Also more online activity (barring the sliding thing)
    Thanks, Aderonke
    You are VERY influential


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