My Best Friend's Wedding
Let me just say, I wanted the guy to marry Julia Roberts in the movie ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. I REALLY, REALLY did! In fact, I think I cried (then again, I usually cry at most Romantic movies/Romantic Comedy). Lol. If you haven’t seen the movie, get outta here! That can’t be possible! And, well, I just spoilt it for you. But then again how could you not have seen the movie??? Chai.
Obviously, one of the reasons why I wanted them to get married is cos, yup, you guessed it, I’m an advocate for people marrying their friends –and your best friend would be even better! But alas, they didn’t get married. Why? Well, in a nutshell, from what I gathered, he wadn’t feeling her like THAT. Plus, they had grown apart. Life happened, etc. What does that mean though? What does it mean for someone not to feel you like THAT? Everyone has their own interpretations but I think it means you’re not their type (physically and/or otherwise), y’all just don’t connect, there’s no spark, and it goes on and on. So what’s a person to do? Move on, right? Yeah, but this has been coming up in conversations a lot lately and I really have to talk about it!
Why is it that the thing you chase doesn’t always chase you back? Guess that wouldn’t make it a chase then, right? LOL. Remember the scene in the movie where Julia Roberts is running after her (CUTE!) best friend and he’s running after Cameron Diaz and the other dude* asks Julia to pause and look at the situation: she’s running after (literally in this scene) her best friend, he’s running after his bride-to-be but no one was running after her (Julia) and it was a very good point. Nobody was “chasing” Julia and unfortunately for her, the guy she really liked (her best friend) didn’t like her like THAT. *sigh* He had essentially moved on – or never really had feelings for her like THAT in the first place.
What am I getting at? Well, there’s a phenomenon I’ve noticed where, for example, a girl spots a dude, she really likes him but he seems oblivious to her existence. They see each other around town at different events or they’ve know each other for a while but he just seems uninterested. She really likes him – or perhaps she’s just intrigued by his nonchalant attitude towards her. Thing is, if and when he eventually pays attention, she might no longer be interested or she’ll realize much later that he isn’t really all that (this is usually the case). Now, this applies to the guys as well so feel free to swap the roles in the scenario. But before she figures out that she doesn’t really like him, the torture and curiosity can be quite draining. She wishes he would call her, take her out, essentially pay more attention but he doesn’t. What is that? What do we call this phenomenon? Note that during this time when she’s waiting on him to make a move, she has other “toasters” but she doesn’t really pay any attention to them because this other dude is SO intriguing. His elusiveness is exciting and thrilling. And unfortunately for her, while this is going on, her “toasters” move on and when she snaps out of it, like Julia had to, they’re gone and she’s back at square one!
If this is the case with your best friend, acquaintance, co-worker, etc., where you’re attracted to him/her but they’re just not interested or not showing any interest, girl/guy, move on. Don’t wait around for the person cos not only are the chances high that they might never be interested in you like that but chances are when they start to show interest, you might find that they really aren’t all that and you might have let someone else pass you by.
So, even though I REALLY wanted Julia Roberts to marry her best friend in the movie, I think she should have moved on sooner than she did. She put herself through a lot of humiliation. But hey, it’s just a movie, and still remains one of my favorites!
*Julia’s special adviser in the whole mess. You gotta have people like that in your life who will snap you out of lala land!
Picture courtesy of igniterockford.wordpress.com
Picture courtesy of igniterockford.wordpress.com
Totally agree with having a friend esp one that can tell me the "gospel truth." And I think moving on quickly also helps save the existing friendship with the individual... Sometimes, keeping him/her as a 'best friend' is really worth more than trying to ruin a good friendship.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. How do I approach this? First, women are incubators (not sure where I heard it from). We nurse the idea of being with a guy too frequently then it becomes a habit. Then we find ourselves in an imaginary relationship with them which precedes what I call "Self-generated Soul ties." You don't have to sleep with someone before there are soul ties; at times even words and touches seal the deal sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMen, on the other hand, aren't wired to be fussy. If they can't walk through it they'll smash through it. They love being in control- I jokingly said to my friend "I wanna take you on a date, my call" to thank him for remembering my birthday o. He flinched, stammered then truthfully told me it diminishes his pride when females come on too strongly. I was surprised!
On the whole she ne ne of friends becoming something else, I truthfully think this is relative to individuals and should be left to their judgement. Because break ups may sever the initial friendship, most experts might advise against the trend. For me, I believe we won't be tempted beyond what we can handle and that every trial has a purpose. I'll say move on! Might be tough but not impossible!
Sorry for the essay...lovely post! I always have too much to say (agrees with your last post about we girls and our affinity for talking) Lol!
I thought she was just comfortable with the idea of marrying her best friend, I don't think she liked him as much as she thought she did. Which brings me to the question of how to distinguish between wanting something because it's possible or wanting it because it's meant to be. I agree that moving on is the best option (esp when there is someone else involved). On the other hand, what if it's a Brown Sugar scenario where the best friends are really meant for each other and find out before it's too late? They shouldn't have "moved on" in the first place right? All these questions, I need answers :)
ReplyDeleteLoved this post!
Que sera sera
DeleteRonke! Do you know I have a draft of a post around the theme of 'Desiring What (Who)s Not Available" sitting somewhere?? I wrote it a few days ago. I rest my case now with a huge sigh.
ReplyDeleteI got this truth, long ago, from my 'Buffy The Vampire slayer' series, (of all places!); that you do not always end up with the love of your life. I so badly wanted Buffy to be with Angel, but alas!
Great post though.
Zainab
Hey Ronke, nice post. I recommend the film "One Day", which throws up the argument towards the other end of the spectrum. Its a pretty good film.
ReplyDeletePerhaps there is no right or wrong answer in this kind of situation.:)
Aderonks,
ReplyDeleteNice one. Not much to add to this except I agree with your diagnosis and your treatment recommendation. It's good to hold on to hope, but it all comes back to making sure you remember to LOVE YOURSELF first always!
Contrary to the idea popularized by Jerry Maguire, another person doesn't complete you, they complement. They add things to your life, but you always have to remember that you were whole first. When two people get married they are joined AS one, a unit, but they don't overlap each other and become the one. Even one can split back into two!
Nice one! Life is just funny like that...
ReplyDeletewww.dayorwrites.blogspot.com
you funny.....I can so relate to this post as I had the over infatuated moment with my best friend. The worst form of torture yet he knew I was gagging for him. A year and a half after being dragged through a roller coaster we no longer speak sad but true and most probably for the best.
ReplyDeleteWas a hell of a lesson though....has made me a lot more alert to the little nuainces we ought to be aware of as women!"
Here's a short narrative...
ReplyDeleteI see a lady in a cafe, she's quietly sitting at a corner working on her pc. I'm sat at the opposite end having a drink waiting for a friend.
We exchange a short glance, she smiles out of politeness, I smile back. My friend arrives, we hangout and move on.
I return to the same cafe a few days later and there is the same lady, quietly sat doing same as before.
I walk over this time, passing a kind complement on her appearance, I enquire about what she does. We have a brief conversation, my friend arrives and the evening passes without much.
Is there a remote possibility that she might just be as intrigued as I am about her, but we are both so caught up in living and fear of rejection/embarrassment that neither of us asked!
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS GUYS! :)
ReplyDelete