Top 5 Reasons Why He’s NOT “The One” (Part 1)

Ladies, this one’s for you! Y’all know by now that I believe marriage is one of the most important (AND scariest! Lol) life decisions anyone can make. The thought of joining your life with someone else’s and vowing to stay committed is amazing but also scary. Scary because no one wants to get it wrong. That’s one of the worst things that can happen. We talked a while ago about what happens if you think you married the “wrong” person and what it would mean if that feeling/thought comes up. I think though that there are some things to consider about a prospective husband so that you can (prayerfully) get it right. They say “as you make your bed, so you lie in it” so honey, when it comes to marriage, and picking a spouse, each of us better be making the best laid bed we possibly can with as much info as we can get!

The concept of “The One” has always intrigued me. When I was a lot younger, I used to think that there was one person for everyone i.e. there is one guy on the face of the planet that’s meant for one girl and through life’s journey, they would somehow find each other, get married, and live happily ever after. Fast forward many years later, and through my conversations and observations, it seems (and I’ve become more comfortable with the thought) that there isn’t just ONE person for everyone on the planet but there are several options and at some point, you have to evaluate the options and (hopefully) pick the best one. I mean, think about it, if there was just one person for each person, what would happen if one of them makes a “mistake” and marries someone else? Hmm.

So, how do you know if someone could be a “The One”, if that makes sense? Lol. That seems like the million dollar question, right? How do you come to that conclusion? I’ve asked before and I continue to ask because it’s one of those things that fascinates me. Every time a friend gets married, I’m always, in some cases, more shocked than they are (lol) cos I ponder about and wonder how they came to the conclusion that of all the options they had, this person was the best. It amazes and intrigues me all the time.

 Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what to look out for when making the decision about “The One” and I’ll share five reasons I can think of as to why a guy wouldn’t and shouldn’t be “The One”. I’d love to hear some of your reasons as well so, please feel free to share J Here goes:

You’re Not Attracted to Him

This might sound shallow and might not be for everyone but in the words of someone I know: “Marry your temptation”! and I agree. This isn’t about marrying a Brad Pitt, Boris Kodjoe, or Taye Diggs (Oh, Taye!!!) *sigh* but this is about being realistic about your physical attraction to the guy. Like I said, this isn’t for everyone cos I’ve heard girls say they don’t really have to find the guy attractive and even though I can’t wrap my mind around that, it’s ok. Generally speaking, I think it is important to be somewhat physically attracted to him. Why is this important? Well, there are many facets to a relationship and we are attracted to different aspects of a person and in terms of physical attraction, it’s important because he’s not just your life partner and best friend, he’s also your lover, and honey, if y’all are gonna be loving love together, forever, you gotta have your version of Taye (*sigh* lol) to keep you on the straight and narrow. Of course this isn’t to say you somehow lose your ability to appreciate good-looking people once you get married but at least you would have the one that does it for you. By the way, I think it is SUPER cute when a couple looks alike. Love it! Lol.

You Don’t Dig His Vision

This is the deeper stuff. Lol. I was listening to one of my all-time favorite people speak recently and he was talking about how he didn’t have the best raps or rhymes for his (very beautiful) wife when he was toasting her but what he did have was an awesome vision for his life and he shared that with her, telling her about all the amazing things they could do - together. Let me explain cos this one might seem a little tricky and anybody can cook up a charming story about their life’s vision. Now, you’ve probably heard me and others say that it is important to be comfortable marrying a guy as he is and not as you think he should/would like him to be. While this is important, it is also important to hear what else he’s got up his sleeves i.e. what his hopes and aspirations are. He’s got to be able to articulate his vision to you so you can decide if you want to be part of it. I always say before you embark on a journey, you gotta know where you are going before you ask someone to come along. And that applies to marriage. Before he asks you to come along on life’s journey, he’s gotta be able to tell you with some degree of clarity exactly where it is he’s going. Sure, you should be comfortable enough with where he is at the time you meet him to want to marry him but he’s got to desire more from life and over time, if he has a clear vision (that’s compatible with yours) I believe through conversation, it will come out (from his heart) intentionally or unintentionally. So ladies, the bottom line is if you don’t dig his vision or he doesn’t have one at all, run cos he ain’t “The One”! J

There are a few more reasons why I think he’s not “The One” and I’ll share them in Part 2.

So, ladies, what do you think? What are some of the reasons why you would think a guy isn’t “The One”?