I Think I Know Why Men Cheat…
We’ve all wondered why men, especially those with great wives – beautiful, intelligent, hasn’t-let-herself-go, Godly, etc. – still cheat, right? Well, I think I know why and I’ll get to that in a second.
Recently, I was wondering what a woman can do to keep her man interested in her because I was thinking that surely men that cheat (emotionally not sexually) don’t find their wives interesting anymore. So in order to get an intellectual boost, they flirt and get involved with other women emotionally.
Then today, I had a thought. It occurred to me that when a guy cheats (emotionally but especially sexually) even though he has an amazing wife, the issue can’t possibly be his wife (in most cases). And then I got it! Men cheat because of an inferiority complex. I had always thought along these lines but now I really get it. They want to be sure that they still got it going on. Most times, it has absolutely nothing to do with their wife. It’s a low self-esteem thing. So they put feelers out there to see which girl will latch on. It’s an ego stroke. For too long the wife has been blamed but I think it’s the guy that has the issues. It’s from within. Like I said, even when they have an amazing wife, some guys still cheat.
So, that’s my take on it. When the guy wants to feel good about himself, he goes hunting and when he “catches” a girl, it makes him feel good and desirable. Let’s not forget that he’s got a wife at home who desires the heck out of him o! Perhaps women need to affirm their men more but I think men need to feel good about themselves from the inside.
Part of the blame goes to the ladies who give in to the ego-stroking activity that is cheating perhaps because of the incentives the guys use to attract these women – money,etc. – but that’s another story though.
So, that’s why I think men cheat…
What say ye?
So why, then, do women cheat? ..And please don't go into tjs t worn out eccuse that she "must be going through some emotional issues" :)
ReplyDeleteHmmm...you do have a point, BUT...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all there are two categories; there are those that do the flings/conquests, then there are those that have a full-blown relationship. I think your piece deals with the conquest/notches on his belt type.
You mentioned above that he goes 'hunting', meaning he's innately a 'hunter'; while dating/courting, his then babe, now wife made herself attractive to the hunters element in him, so he found her desirable, chased her and got her.I say why stop when you're married? Apart from keeping fit & trim (very necessary), there's that 'thing' a woman does maybe intuitively that keeps a man coming back when they're dating; most women forget it when they wear the ring; most times they just get complacent.
Also, intellectually, he's grown since they dated n she's got to keep updating herself on what makes him tick now! (They both should actually....). So, there's my take on your take.
@Chaz:
DeleteThe woman is complacent because she's no longer taken/smitten by this guy she had married. He doesn't excite or interest her anymore. But she still loves him.
Please read my earlier comment for why this is so.
Chaz,u take the day, and in most cases like I told you- the sex stops the minute you put a ring on it,the guy get more comfortable by the day with getting what he's not getting at home outside,all the pre marriage feelings and carings and what not is thrown out the window and befor you know it the guy is thinking ......
ReplyDeleteMen cheat because their wives are no longer interested in them sexually, probably never did (but took him this long to find out)- this is crushing to his person
ReplyDeleteThe reason for this is that men (a good number)are not interested in the finer details of a woman's sexuality, that just being kind and helpful around the home, speaking gently and softly/tenderly to her, chasing after her, talking about their love life together, getting to understand how she thinks and perceives sex, can make her see him in the desirable light that he wants to be seen.
Most men are euphoric on their wedding day because... you know nah..., but women are thinking how they now have a man of their own. And then the journey begins where men are satisfied and some wives see themselves as tools doing their duty- before long, these wives can't hide their disgust of the whole sham.
Of course, the man feels bad, low etc and some seek something or someone else who desires them, Some of the wives in this situation would out rightly detest physical contact with the man who now feels like a leper.
So... do the maths.
The solution is 1. The fear of God 2. Talking to your wife/husband about both your outlooks to love and sex 3. for the men, help her see you in that light you want to be seen.
Peace..!
Hmmmm.....I have to totally disagree with you on this one. I mean the point of the inferiority complex,I doubt that. Men need to feel that they are needed,that they are the one. When you have a wife who is not excited when you want to cuddle her,have sex with her,get in the shower with her, you'd look for someone else who is. Most African Women just get married to be (Mrs)......and they want to take care of their kids,they don't "seem" to be the "romance craving type". I have always said " if a Woman seriously gets into her "porn star" mode,her husband wouldn't even have the energy to cheat on her. He would also "brag" saying "no one can do it better". But when she acts like its a chore, He looks for excitement. The young girls "aristo" kisses Alhaji's bald head,He gives her everything, "emotionally" too. His wife is busy with her friends,touring the world, and is not excited,He isn't too. The aristo's put on an act,He'd rather get an act than nothing. A Man is like a dog if you pet him,He'd be with you forever.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I am tired of hearing this old folk talk about the woman being at fault when the man looks out. Men are actually like a dog no matter how you try to be a good girl, following all mummy advise on how to behave after marriage the man still goes out. This is because it is in him to go out and cheat, probably because he has inferiority complex or it is fun or it makes him feel like a man.My advise is to stop petting a man who sees a woman as a piece of furniture, brace yourself up, face your career, make yourself beautiful, still do your part at home o!!, but don't let the man put you down. Before long he will come running back to his wife. In those days parents teach their female children to be humble and submissive to their husbands, it worked then,but these men of this days are different. The are like the mosquitoes we have now that have learnt to be resistant to malaria drugs, or the bacterias that are now resistant to anti biotics. Men have to learn to respect the fact that women are also human beings with feelings and treat them as such.
ReplyDeleteOne of the posts above begs repeating. I will paraphrase it:
ReplyDelete"Men need to feel that they are needed, that they are the one. When you have a wife who is not excited when you want to cuddle her,have sex with her, get in the shower with her, you will look for someone else who does. Most African women just get married to be Mrs. So and So, and then totally focus on taking care of their kids, they don't seem to be romance-interested or sexual after a while. If a woman regularly gets into her "porn star" mode, her husband wouldn't even have the energy to cheat. He would also "brag" saying "no one can do it better". But when she acts like it's a chore, he will eventually looks elsewhere for excitement. When the young nubile girl kisses Alhaji's bald head, he gives her everything, "emotionally" too. His wife is busy with her friends, attending owambes and weddings, touring the world, and is not excited. Yes, the young girls put on an act, but he would rather receive a pleasurable act than nothing. A man is like a dog. If you constantly pet him, he will be with you forever. If you let someone else pet him, he will be gone."
Wow,thanks for rephrasing my previous comment. Something led me to come back to this page today and I am glad I did. Now, lets get personal with this...... I am 26 years old,about 6'2 or 6'3 inches tall, I am physically fit,tongue speaking christian, and a VIRGIN AT THE AGE OF 26. (YES) I AM. I grew up in Nigeria, I do not smoke and drink. I like staying at home with family and I was a children's church teacher in Nigeria. I have met Women form all over the World but you see black Women have given me the most problem... They simply don't know what they want and when they finally know what they want they don't recognize it. I have dated younger and older Nigerian Women and have had ENOUGH!. If these Women who complain a lot gave those brothers they look down in a chance,they would be the happiest ever. But no! Black Women don't want a good guy, they want a gangster, a play boy, a guy everyone wants. Most girls at 26 have slept with a guy their friend has slept with. They simply want the one everyone wants. Always complaining,meanwhile "heaven" is the Man who they give the wrong number,never answer his calls, suspect his every move.... 100% Truth... This is the case in Nigeria, The U.S, even here in Dubai.... I don't even try with them any more. When you see a Woman who just suspects you for no reason, you're always just guilty....WOW...LOL.. "The simple truth, from my experiences"
ReplyDelete@GOD'S GREATEST
DeleteIf women are educated wrongly, then this is a problem, most Nigerian ladies have the preconception that their husbands will one day cheat or has cheated.
I get furious with this conception, because it gives no opportunity for the guy in the first place if she enters into marriage like this. But why do they have this notion?? Because this is what many men do especially in Nigeria.
My first post addresses why men do this in the first place but the reason is further strengthened by the fact that women somewhat think it'll happen and are already braving themselves for it.
Also for the good guys, they have to take care that they are not tainted by the corrupting influences around them , like acquaintances. This is a huge price to pay because when a man cheats and his wife suspects him, romance between then can NEVER be the same ever, does the man dare risk this...? But of course they say stolen waters are sweet. And many Nigerians are greedy, they want this, they want that, if this greed isn't curbed growing up, it makes a boy grow up a man who wants a slim girl today, tomorrow a plump one, next fair, dark.... it is called sampling and it is WRONG!
Let them be satisfied with their own cistern and let them talk about their sexuality together (see my earlier post on top)
Black women do not talk about their sexuality and perception about sex hence, they are not desirable to their husband because they see it as an obligation like you noted.
They don't know what they want because they want the "best" but those ladies cannot sit down and tell themselves what makes them tick.... to busy to do some analysing (know thyself)
DeleteSo, when the see someone who everyone like, they want that person too... Emotional childishness!
Wow!!!! I visited this page at the right time again lol! Man, you have said a lot. Its obvious you have been through a lot. Man, I am really done with this. Just do what you have to do and if these Women keep at it,go to some other country, you wouldn't regret it believe me. The social climate in Nigeria can make a confused Woman or Man seem like a retard. I don't know what else to say Man. I had a blog page,its still up but I don't write these days. www.shawnrapha.blogspot.com . I just like to read and the writer of this blog has an interesting way of getting reactions. This is the reason why I visit this page.
ReplyDeleteThere is no such thing as an "amazing wife" or an "amazing husband" or even an "amazing person". There is simply a world full of flawed people, and Nigeria happens to contain a high degree of flawed people in a crude, self-obsessed, and narrow-minded society.
ReplyDeleteDespite the lack of hard data, in Nigeria and elsewhere there are facts on the ground. For example, in Lagos, women in their forties have told me that, by necessity, they only date married men. That's because, since the life expectancy for Nigerian men is 52.5 years, by age 55 there are just 64 men left for every 100 women. And it is clear that Nigerian men flaunt this demographic advantage.
There is no evidence anywhere in the world that religious people are particularly faithful, despite all the "God-fearing" and "Godly" epithets.
All over the world, money shapes the rules of infidelity. Men in rich countries are generally much more faithful than their counterparts in poor ones. In part, that's because first-world cheats tend to be punished more severely. In America, a single affair can mean losing your marriage, your assets, your status and your self-respect. Even in wealthy countries where the taboo on cheating is weaker than in the U.S. - Australia, Switzerland and Germany, for instance - husbands tend to be quite faithful too. In Nigeria, on the other hand, male infidelity hardly incurs financial or social penalty. Female infidelity is increasingly becoming enboldened too. So, why won't men and women cheat?
Beginning in the 1990s, researchers tracking the spread of HIV began extensively mapping sexual behavior in sub-Saharan Africa. Their findings were astonishing: in the tiny nation of Togo, with a population of less than 6 million, 37 percent of married or cohabiting men had more than one sex partner in the last year. Trailing behind the Togolese were men in Cameroon, Ivory Coast, Mozambique, Tanzania, and Nigeria. In South Africa, even the AIDS educator at a Cape Town metal company had a girlfriend as well as a wife.
So, the dubious title of world infidelity capital probably goes to a region: sub-Saharan Africa. With ordinary citizens cheating at such astonishing levels, one can only imagine what African politicians are up to.