What Men Find Attractive

Lately I’ve been curious about what makes a man or woman decide that someone is “The One”. I think there is a defining moment in every relationship when you realize this person is it! But before we get to that point something or some things attract us to the other person in the first place so I wanted to know what guys find attractive. Most of the single people I know just haven’t found that person (or so it seems) or that person doesn’t agree with their finding. Lol. So, this might shed some light. We all know guys are visual but I wanted to know what else they find attractive so I asked some of my male friends the following question:

What are the top three (3) things that attract you to a woman or attracted you to your woman?

Check out their responses below. What do you think? Any aha! moments? Lol. Any surprises?  Please note that there’s a good mix of guys in there:  single, in a relationship, and married ;)

Body, brains, character – Godwin, 25

Wits & humor, personality/attitude (God-loving is somewhere inside this one), looks – Bankole, 30

Attitude, looks, kindness – Tunde, 34

Sense of humor/playful, beautiful body, and finally cooking…she must be better than me at that – Dare, 26

First, the God factor, the brain, and beauty – Timi, 30-something

Compatibility, very important (financial, social, spiritual compatibility), physical attraction and virtues – Ita, 32

Looks, obviously; humor, and personality – Ighosime, 29

I love her energy. She complements me in many ways. She’s committed to helping me become the man I’m meant to be. I had absolutely nothing when we met. No job. Not a dime but it didn’t matter to her. She stuck with me. She’s purpose-driven, a realist, and I love her connection with God. She’s encouraged me to draw closer to God. Finally, I’m also attracted to her physically. We make a team. A great match [INSERT TEAR] – Lubemi, 32

Beauty, smile, then confidence but mostly her warm spirit – Ayo, 28

Personality, looks, her mind – Udoka, 29

The love and fear of God, the cerebral depth (mental acuity, ability to hold her own in a conversation with a strong vision), her long dark hair and beauty – Biodun, 35

Her stature/shape, then getting closer, her character/wit and then her spirituality – Michael, 33

Resourcefulness/brains, curves, elegance/simplicity – Olawale, 37

Appearance, humor, great personality –Sam, 29

Her beauty, sincerity, and her super model-like shape –Buddy, 34

If she’s pretty/beautiful/cute, confident without being saucy, nice and easy going – Emmanuel, 28

Physical beauty, identifying ideologies/morals, confirmation of intelligence – O.O.A., 30+

I’m usually not the most outgoing person, so outgoing (not noisy) is attractive. Her hair…tried to knock this one for more “serious” sounding stuff but I won’t. I love “strange” hair. God bless my soul [LOL]. Her relationship with God – Bemyoda, 28

For me, initially her complete package and looks, gait/walk/shape, then her articulation, and the much deeper and longer to uncover, the content of her character based on views on God, life, sex, personal health and wealth, etc. – Funsho, 35


  1. Interesting.. 80% is more of physical. Truth is Guys are moved more by what they see and ladies more by what they hear..
    Most of these guys will surely try to add non physical attributes to this equation but the truth is the major attraction is looks. if a lady does not even look close to what they want or like, they will NOT look at her or even attempt to talk to her to even know what she really is like.

    My two kobo.. :)

    Nice Blog Aderonke

    1. True regarding what they see vs. what they hear and I'll add "feel". Yeah, guys are definitely VERY visual. Thanks for sharing! Cheers :)

  2. Guys are definitely visual. You're right H.A.W. I think it's really down to three things; beauty, personality and ambition. It always starts with what she looks like, then how she acts. It's easy to tell very quickly if she has a good sense of humour (or not). If she does, it's a plus. The next is personality (I.e. Spirituality, outgoing, accomodating, kind). Finally, ambition. She has to being aspiring for something, going somewhere, want to achieve something for herself, leans on but would not rely on her man to do everything for her.

  3. Actually, men see only what they want to see - depending on the phase they are in at that moment in time. As a young man without responsibilities, the most attractive thing for him would be physical. As he matures, he begins to watch out for personality. It's only when he feels/is ready to settle down or marry, that he begins to notice compatibility, spirituality, stability, etc.
    The priorities tend to shift based on his phase in life, and it only takes a very focused man to stick to them as he switches phases. I think that's the reason why a man meets a very great lady but doesn't realize she's "The One" because at that point in time his priorities are not in sync with the phase he's in...
    I always smile when I see your post in my mailbox! :D

    1. On point! but sometimes, even a young man with responsibilities still wanna have as "arm candy" I like to marry a beautiful woman who does not need to convince people about her beauty, then i look for the "brains" ambition and finally character....! then we can start looking at the genotype (LOLZ)

  4. This is a great survey, bottomline, looks get the girl in the door first and then other things can follow.
    Will be nice to see what girls are looking for in a man, I wonder if there'll be a consistent thread like this...

  5. Generally speaking, a guy's focus will change depending on where he is in life so I agree with "writeforsanitysake"

    Here's what I would look for

    - God (Character is included cos I think as you know God more and u have a true intention to become Christlike, character will be affected. This also includes a true pursuit of God, not just I am in choir and I attend Church regularly.

    She doesn't have to be deeply mature in God like apostle Paul. The key thing is passion for true growth in God. I will take that over almost anything)

    - A true desire and intention-ality to become who God calls her to be, to grow, to fulfill purpose

    - Compatibility (this does include looks, attitude, humor/Wits, etc.

    This also includes being able to stand up to me, to face conflict, to fight not to hurt but to make us more holistic, etc)

    Maybe a blog post on what women look for would be great.

    In your post, you mentioned that at some point in time in a relationship, a person knows that this is "The One."

    Sometimes you also know that this is "NOT the One," and it is probably harder to come to especially when you truly love that person

    A blog post on what goes into making the decision of this is "NOT the One," especially when will be very insightful with maybe a special focus on when you had initially thought this is "the One"

    Sorry for the broad categories and long post :)

  6. My goodness... this is shocking!!!
    Is this what guys have been looking for? Brains, beauty and character/humour???
    They walk pass it all the time!!, there are a lot of women out there who have all these and love God into the bargain, but apparently guys want 5 seconds to decide if a woman has all three, little wonder they make mistakes!!


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