I’m Digging You…

Men, men, men! Remember when I called y’all like that? What is going on with y’all? Huh? I have spoken with SO many women about this that I know many will agree with what I’m about to say: Why does it seem like guys of nowadays have lost the zest, drive, and most importantly, the ability to chase!!! And when I say chase, I mean tastefully pursue a woman? What is going on? Some might say it’s because guys can get the milk without buying the cow so they don’t bother (Hmmm). Others might say women of these days are intimidating (YAWN) and as one of my friends would say “The hunter has become the hunted” (LOL). What do you say? What happened to those days when guys really went after a woman –tastefully – and wooed her, made her feel special, and made it very CLEAR that he wanted them to be more than just friends. ‘Cause you know there’s that too! Guys, not being clear about their intentions and women being confused. You remember one of my favorite quotes “If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you be confused.”  *sigh*

So, what about when guys decide to chase, it seems they fall into two categories: the lazy chaser and the aggressive chaser. I was speaking with a friend the other day and we were talking about how some guys get it right and others are just too extreme. She then said something that got me thinking. She said she was having the same conversation with her sister who said “what do women want sef?” i.e. how would they like to be chased? And that got me thinking so, I described to my friend what a nice way to be chase looked like.*

Anyways, lemme explain what the two extreme kinds of guys do:

-          The Lazy Chaser: This is the dude that meets you and immediately or shortly after, he asks for your BB pin, which he does nothing with i.e. he adds you on BB and doesn’t or hardly ever chats with you, which would be fine if he called BUT he doesn’t do that either. Ugh. Then occasionally, he’ll check up on you (via BB) and maybe ask two months later if you wanna hang out. Why on earth would anyone say yes to that? He hasn’t shown her in any way that he’s really interested. He barely chats on BB and doesn’t call. Guys, my advice: When you meet a girl for the first time, RESIST the temptation to ask for her BB pin. It WILL make you lazy even if you weren’t lazy before. Remember what I had to say about this a while ago… (I thought I was being harsh on that post seeing as we are in a technology-driven world but nah, I still maintain that if a guy likes you enough, he WILL call you!) The lazy chaser basically doesn't do much chasing at all.

-          The Aggressive Chaser: This is the dude that starts to freak the woman out with his incessant phone calls, weird “checking up on you messages” at odd hours, maybe showing up unannounced, etc. This is a guy who chases a woman almost literally and she starts to wonder what he wants. It starts to feel like it’s not about her anymore but maybe it’s about winning in his mind. His approach doesn’t make a woman feel special. It makes her feel like an object. Guys, no matter how much you like a woman, even if you are beside yourself, chill out. A woman wants to be chased in a tasteful, thoughtful, delightful manner not in an aggressive manner.

I think the guy who gets it right is in the middle of the extremes. I don’t believe in playing games when you like a woman. I believe in being clear about your feelings and intentions and to me, a nice, tasteful way to chase a woman goes something like this:

*After you meet her and get her phone number NOT her BB pin, call the next day to say hey and that it was nice to meet her. Keep it short and sweet but not abrupt. Then lay low, if you like, for a couple of days, then call again to say hi and check on her to see how her week’s been going. If you have her email, send her an email a day or two later and then a few days after that, ask to meet for drinks or coffee. You’re not pushing it but you're there – at the top of her mind. You’re remaining memorable. If it’s going well and she's responsive, keep this pattern up for a few, after which, she would probably start to initiate a few calls. This is all with the intention of getting to KNOW her better. Move on to other types of "dates" and see where this approach takes you. *sigh* If only I was a guy! Chai, I’d be a great “chaser”, albeit a shy one. Lol.

I have heard guys give all kinds of reasons for why they don’t chase like they used to e.g. they’ve had bad experiences, they’ve been rejected, etc. It ain’t easy being a guy, I know but c’mon, you gotta do what you gotta do to get what you really want! And like one of my friends said: “No great risk, no great reward”.

By the way, there’s this REALLY, REALLY, REALLLY,REALLY (Ok, you get the point) neat song called “Dig You” by Kevin Whalum! GO AND GET IT!!!! #NuffSaid It’s about a guy chatting up a girl and if I was the girl, I think I would break tradition and call the brotha!!!

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