"I Wanna Get to Know You..."

I wanna get to know you

How can I get to know you?

I wanna get to know you,

Know you better

~ Ledisi

This is the chorus to a song by a very talented soulful artist called Ledisi. She basically talks about this guy she’s been seeing around town and how she’d really like to get to know him. One day, they’re out at the same place and he asks her to dance and he finally says the words she’s been longing to hear – the words in the chorus. What happens after that i.e. if they actually get to know each other is another story. Lol.

I strongly feel like people aren’t getting to know each other these days. Even though technology has advanced tremendously, I feel like there are so many superficial relationships and friendships. Everyone’s your friend on Blackberry Messenger, Twitter, Facebook, and Whatsapp but how many are actually your friends? How many have you actually called on the phone recently or sent an email to or hung out with? Now, I’m not saying everyone has to be your friend to that extent cos that would be ridiculous, right? But I feel like even with the friends we do have, technology has most certainly changed the dynamics of relationships and how we get to know each other better. Plus, everyone is SO busy these days that even “scheduling” friends into our calendars seems like work! (Sometimes though we really need to pause and ask ourselves what we are SO busy doing. Might help put things in perspective)

Remember when we used to write and post letters? The thrill and anticipation of getting letters was amazing! Tearing that envelope open as we glanced at the sender’s address to see who sent it was pure joy. I recently suggested Pen Pals and people thought I was crazy. Lol. Then we started sending emails and the delight of checking your email perhaps the next day (not instantaneously like we can these days) and seeing an email from a good friend felt good. Nowadays? Well, people send you an email, BBM you to let you know they’ve sent it, then check in with you a few minutes later to see if you’ve read it. Ugh, it’s so sad! Also, friends can go days and maybe even weeks without hearing each others’ voices – they don’t even use voicenotes on BBM and Whatsapp! Lol. Now obviously this doesn’t apply to all friends. There are some relationships that technology can never change but in general, the art of building friendships and really getting to know people has changed and I can’t say it’s for the better. It also seems a lot of people are actually comfortable with superficial relationships even though they wouldn’t call them that. You’re on my Blackberry Messenger, I see your updates, I have a good laugh, I have very shallow chats with you from time to time to “check on you”, I don’t really need to know too much, just the basics. Some people don’t even know their “friends’” or should I say “contacts’” surname!!! Lol.

So, what about when it comes to a prospect, someone you wanna get to know like that? Well, I think technology has once again affected that process and not really for the better! Let’s get into it: When a guy met a girl back in the day (and I’m not talking too long ago), he’d ask for her phone number and she’d either give it to him or refrain and offer her email address instead (I did that once before :D. Made it interesting. Hehe). The responsibility was then on the guy to make the effort to call and have conversations with her before arranging a meet up. He’d have to call a few times and earn her interest before asking her on a date (for some reason I don’t really like that word but I digress). If she gave her email address instead, he’d have to take the time to type an email, check for grammatical errors, be somewhat creative, etc. and then wait for her response, which could take days to come. He’d have to do this over time as well before requesting a meet up.

But fast forward to nowadays and geez! Dudes are asking for ladies’ BB pins!!! While this is convenient, I also feel to some extent it can come across as lazy. Yes, lazy. Ladies, help me out here. A lot of guys who ask for BB pins end up never or hardly calling the girl. They are just there. Taking up BBM space. Lol. Sometimes quiet. Other times doing that annoying “just checking on you” thing and in my opinion, it gives the impression that the guy is really not interested in her like that. Guys, if you like a girl like that, I think you should ask for her phone number and resist the temptation to ask for the BB pin cos even though you may have good intentions, BB will make you lazy! I mean, how do you really get to know someone over BB? Or Facebook, Whatsapp, or Twitter???? They all lack tone, emotion, and body language. They are convenient but to some extent, if used incorrectly i.e. not followed up with a phone call can come across as a lack effort. It’s the truth. Now, obviously, there are guys who call and don’t even ask for BB pins and kudos to them. These guys make the effort. I also know that there could be some exceptions and instances where using one or more of these social media platforms might be acceptable initially but dude, ya gotta CALL her! And don’t delay on the call either! Don’t add her on BB and wait a few weeks to call. Not good. These days a woman would simply delete the guy off her social media space if he’s just there. Like what’s the point? Clearly, in her mind, he isn’t interested.

Now, all of that being said, there’s another aspect to getting to know someone like that that I must bring up. It’s the first date! Like I said earlier, I don’t really like the word “date” but it’s kinda hard to explain why so we’ll just leave it alone. Lol. Anyways, more recently, I’d been telling some friends that I don’t believe in going to fancy restaurants and what not on a first date or even second or third! Why? Well, my reason is simple: There’s a certain atmosphere and façade that those sorts of dates create. Each person acts a certain way, the guy has to pay all this money to impress the babe*, it can be stiff and uncomfortable, and think of all the awkward moments they'll have to deal with if the conversation doesn’t flow! Yikes. (I read somewhere that it takes four seconds for a moment to become awkward). I told my friends if a guy wanted to go out, I’d prefer we went for like suya or to a more relaxed and unconventional joint where we could talk – really talk, laugh, have proper conversation, etc. For me, that creates a more conducive atmosphere for getting to know someone. Of course, to an extent, where you go doesn’t always help the conversation cos if it ain’t flowing, it ain’t flowing but being in a more comfortable and less tense environment can certainly help.  And let me just say, as for the fancy dinners, oh, that time will come but I think those can wait and they’ll actually be more fun later cos at that point, if you’re either already in a relationship with the person or almost there, you’ll have more to talk and laugh about, etc. I think my friends got what I was saying but I actually don’t remember their reactions to it. Lol. So, I did think however that to an extent perhaps my reasoning was a bit weird and I was just “different” until recently when I read this article by Paul C. Brunson!!! I was elated! “I’m not crazy afterall!!!!”, I thought. Phew! Lol.

What do y’all think? Are people really getting to know each other these days? Has technology changed the “getting to know you” game for the worst? Do you think we’ve become lazy? Should guys call more often and get off social media?

*Dudes, impress away! There are many ways to impress a girl even if you’re just going for suya so don’t get me wrong. You MUST impress her J

Picture courtesy flickrhivemind.net