“You Got That Vibe”

Ok, so I ain’t talking about that vibe in the R. Kelly song (lol), I wanna talk about the vibes women apparently give guys when it comes to getting to know them. You know that vibe you give a guy you’ve just met or your guy friends in general - vibes that might be attracting or chasing them away. So, the other day, I was having a conversation with some friends (a guy and girl) and at some point we starting talking about…me! Now, I consider myself a VERY, might I add VERY friendly person. When I first meet (most*) people, I try as much as possible to make them comfortable and depending on the scenario, I’m pretty engaging. I make eye contact, shake their hand firmly, listen attentively (as much as I can), you know, I’m there. And in subsequent encounters, I still maintain my friendly demeanor – at least so I think. Fast forward to when I’ve known the guy for a while. I still consider myself friendly. Even if I’m not feeling him like that or even if I am but must maintain my cool (lol) I tend to remain friendly and hang out in some cases cos you know I believe in developing friendships - first. Plus, you ain’t gotta date everyone ya meet, right? BUT despite all of this, my friends said I give a certain vibe that might make guys a little “scared” (Ok, so they didn’t say “scared” but that’s my interpretation. Lol). Let’s just say I was pretty shocked. This has come up before and I asked a bunch of friends and I got mixed responses – some said that I am in fact friendly and others said I can seem pretty “serious” until people actually get to know me. Do you wanna know the details of what my friends said during our conversation? Really? You wanna know? Hmm, nah, I can’t share in detail…sorry :p I'm too shy. But let’s talk about the different vibes that women give knowingly or unknowingly.

·         “I want a perfect man” – This is apparently the vibe women give when they are “picky” and have really high standards. I think standards are VERY important, however, it seems that these women are chasing away even the guys who meet their standards because they come across as a little uptight! And in most cases she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.

·         “I only want to be your friend” – This vibe is scary especially when this isn’t the message the girl wants to be conveying! This happens when she’s trying too hard to make sure she doesn’t let the guy know she likes him so she goes to the extreme to make him think she doesn’t like him like that. Ladies be careful with this vibe because you know guys, they can’t read in between the lines and he WILL get to stepping. Lol.

·         “I got a man”/”I am THE man” – Hahahahaha! Ok, so this is a mix of "I’m not really looking for a man" and Miss Independent - I got this. I don’t really need a man. With the first vibe, the girl actually would like to be in a relationship but in everything she does and says, she acts like someone who already has a man and so guys assume and don’t pursue her. With Miss Independent, well, we talked about her already.

 These are just a few vibes. Y’all chime in. What other vibes do ladies give guys and ladies what vibes do you give?

Back to my conversation with my friends: They basically said I give certain vibes that I had no idea I was giving (I won’t tell you which one(s) :p). I have to say I was a bit confused after the conversation and maybe even a little sad cos in my mind, I’m a friendly person! I really am. So how could I possibly be giving the “wrong” vibes? I imagine that a lot of women experience this too, right? You think you’re giving the right vibes, right being that you’re open to meeting and getting to know people, you’re not distant or aloof, you’re just generally friendly but apparently, guys are “reading” you the wrong way, right?

So, what’s a girl to do? My friends said not to try too hard to change any behavior and just let things change naturally. I believe in always being yourself but perhaps change in some regard might not be a bad idea, no? So even though I’m not entirely clear as to what they meant,  I am going to pay a lot more attention to how I interact with people and perhaps I’ll see what they’re talking about. At the end of the day, I believe it is important to be yourself but also be open to people’s suggestions and observations.

Vibes or no vibes though, I believe that no matter the vibe you give, if someone finds you interesting enough, they will (Hmm, maybe I should say “should”) at least try to get to know you and not be so “afraid”, right? I know I’m learning to give people the benefit of doubt as much as possible because sometimes vibes are based on the person’s mood at the time you meet them and if you base it solely on that one encounter (or even a couple of encounters), you might miss out on a good thing.

So ladies, what are some “vibes” you’ve been told you give? Guys, what say ye on the matter?


*Some people are something else though (lol) and so I can’t be friendly with them. It’s kinda hard to explain.

Picture courtesy of thedatingtruth.com