Miss Independent

Kinda woman that want you but don't need you
She walk like the boss
Talk like the boss
She got her own thing
Kinda woman that can do it for herself
Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it, she got it, no doubt
Car and the crib, she 'bout to pay 'em both off
Her favorite thing to say, "Don't worry, I got it"
And everything she got, best believe she bought it*

It's either NeYo is a gold digger or he really does like Miss Independent. Lol. Yes, we all know women work, make money, pay their bills, and straight up chill. They got their own "thing". They are strong, intelligent, accomplished, go-getters. They want something, they go get it. Like NeYo said they call this kind of woman Miss Independent. Thanks Neyo. I guess this would mean there are women who aren't independent. I don't know what that means but I digress. Lol.

I think there's a slight issue though. As Neyo said in the song, he likes that kind of woman and I guess he was suggesting that most men do too. But that's where I disagree witcha Neyo! It doesn't seem like most guys completely like that kind of woman and I want to figure out why and just how independent is too independent. There's a school of thought that says that even when the woman can handle her bidness, she should allow her man, if she has one or guys in her life help her out. Some women struggle with that though especially when they've been single for a long time. A lot of women don't want to appear needy. If we can handle it, we'll handle it. So, why do we need to ask a guy to help us?

Ok, ok, so you're probably wondering what I mean so lemme give some examples. It's the little things. You know, like a guy wants to help you change a light bulb, whatever a light bulb is like a tyre (ok, he can change the tyre. Hehe) but substitute the light bulb and you get my point. Most independent women say "I got it. I'm ok" because they don't want to seem needy, clingy, helpless, etc. It's usually subconscious. The thought process is "if I can do it then I'll do it". While this is good to a point, I think sometimes it can be to a fault. So, for example, if a guy wants to help his girlfriend and she always says "Don't worry, I got it", I imagine at some point, he'll feel useless, not needed, which I believe guys don't like to feel. Right guys?

But what can a woman do? How does she strike a balance so she doesn't feel like she's being needy (and trust me Miss Independent can feel like she will appear needy even at the smallest sight of assistance) because this can become an issue for her and the guy she gets with or the guy she's with. I've been told that guys like to feel like the man - they want to be able to take care of their woman and they want to feel needed. That's not too much to ask, right? I think it's good that they feel that way! However, when they meet or are with a woman who is (too) independent, some of them see it as a turn off and in some cases they are intimidated by it. This has got to be the point where communication comes into play. I guess they need to talk about it and voice their concerns, right?

There's another side to this. Some women have been told that the whole Miss Independent thing is the reason why they are still single. Her "big" car, where she lives, essentially the fact that she appears to have it all together seem to be chasing guys away. Say what??? First of all, if a guy is intimidated by her car or where she lives, then why should he even be trying to talk to her. He doesn't deserve her because even if he feels like they aren't on the same "level", he can at least be happy for her and strive to attain more rather than say the problem is with her. Geez. But I'll let this one go cos it's plain ridiculous.

My thought today is what's a girl to do? If she is Miss Independent because of how far she has come, her achievements, her general outlook on life, and so on, how does she conduct herself in such a way that guys don't feel like she is unapproachable (if she's single) or she wants to "wear the pants" (if she's in a relationship)? Guys, how independent is too independent? How much do you want a woman to "need" you?

To all the Miss Independents out there, you don't have to change who you are - the strong, confident, driven woman that you are - but you can learn to let him help a little more. Don't always "got it". Lol. Let him be the man. There is no weakness in expressing your femininity. Don't be afraid. Talk about it if need be.

* Selected lines from the song 'Miss Independent' by NeYo
Picture courtesy of madamnoire.com


  1. This is indeed a tricky one, and I'm glad you identified it as such. I'd say that independent women should not stop being who they are, but definitely every now and then they can let a man sort them out. And of course don't ever let a man be sitting down when you're carrying something heavy, unless he's already carrying something heavy too. But typically, try and let him do the generic male things like changing light bulbs, tires, fixing all sorts and all that. For going out to dinner, maybe he pays most times, say 3 out of 4, but every now and then you can pay.

    Lastly, men that feel threatened by independent women are just insecure, and that's their problem because you didn't want that anyway.

  2. Guys, how independent is too independent?" ...when a woman makes it clear she really doesn't need the man for anything. DL

  3. Ladies, let's talk about it http://youtu.be/UKYZfGXY0-M

  4. I can change a light bulb, change the locks on my door, check my oil, change my tyre, do some of my own plumbing, change a socket and a plug...

    paint my room.........

    hmmmm I probably need to unlearn all these *sigh*


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