The Definition of a “Bad Boy”

“She wants a bad boy jo*”. That’s an expression I hear A LOT from guys when they are trying to express their frustration at a “chase” that isn’t going too well. They’ve chased the girl, in the old-fashioned way; they hold the door open, they pull the chair out at dinner, they call to check up on her while she’s at work, they swing by her apartment to surprise her with her favorite ice cream “just to see your beautiful smile”, and the list goes on BUT after all is said and done, while she genuinely, in most cases, appreciates his very kind and highly uncommon gestures (yes, chivalry is NOT very common these days but that’s a discussion for another day), she still doesn’t like him like that. *sigh*
So the guy is frustrated, confused, upset, and discouraged. And rightfully so. It ain’t easy being “rejected” by someone you really like. I mean, he feels like he’s done and said all the right things. He’s been told that women like to be treated a certain way. He’s been told that women like attention so he called and checked on her from time to time during her work hours just to cheer her up.  He was told women like thoughtful gestures, so he goes out of his way to buy her her favorite ice cream and drives in the opposite direction of his house through major traffic to hand deliver it to her.  He’s been told that women like guys who can make them laugh and he knows he makes her laugh cos she giggles at even his not-so-funny jokes. But he finds that with all his effort and back-bending, she says “I think we would be better off as just friends cos I really enjoy your company and I wouldn’t want to spoil our friendship.” Or worse, she doesn’t say anything. Chai. Meanwhile, the guy wants more and makes it clear but she’s not interested.
I find that most guys in this situation conclude that the girl simply wants a bad guy. So, after the guys narrate similar personal scenarios to me, they usually conclude with something like “You women, most of you want bad boys so I guess I’ll just be a bad boy from now on.” I talked about this recently here on the blog and I said that guys need to chill. First of all, just because she doesn’t want to be with you like that doesn’t mean she wants a bad boy. You are just not the good guy she wants. So, my suggest is dust your shoulder off, keep being the good guy that you are, and look out for that special girl that will appreciate you for WHO you are.
That being said though, I was very curious about what this “bad boy” looks like. What are some of his traits? What exactly does it mean to be a bad boy?? I really wanted to know. So, at a recent Conversations & Cocktails**, I asked the men in the room to define a bad boy. We talked about it but the definition that stuck out for me was: A bad boy is someone who just acts like he doesn’t care and treats the girl accordingly. And apparently, guys think that’s the kind of guy women like because they find them intriguing. Wow! If you ask me, that kind of guy clearly doesn’t really want to be with the girl and quite frankly he doesn’t deserve to be with the girl anyways!
So, I wanna hear from y’all. Do you agree with that definition? How do you define a bad boy?

*Jo is a Yoruba expression used to stress what you’ve just said.
**Conversations & Cocktails is a monthly networking event I created and host in the city of Lagos to bring people together for a chilled evening of good conversation and great company. Attendees make new friends, establish new business contacts, and just enjoy healthy, intellectual discourse. It’s always an evening well spent 


  1. My definition of a "Bad Boy" a guy who looks like what every woman is chasing rather it be a famous rapper or movie star. He looks at what the woman likes and then "fit the mold" so he can win her over and get what he wants.

  2. I can tell you first hand, from years of experience that women like a guy 'with an edge'. What a lot of women don't know how to communicate is that they don't want a 'Yes Man' who does not look like he can hold is own in whatever situation. Sometimes women ask ridiculous things of men, just to see if he will comply and if he does, he's actually viewed as less of a man. Sounds contradictory to what we see in movies right? Well that's because most times, women want how they feel at that time. If a woman knows that a guy is so predictable that if she says jump, he says how high, then they won't want him.

    I've been the Yes Man and the Bend over backwards Man. But I can tell you for free that women didn't start looking for me until I stopped caring what they thought and did what I felt was right. So if me simply saying 'no' to something I didn't want to do meant I was a jerk, then I was fine with that. And hilariously, that's what made them come after me more.

    Women want a man who is caring but also strong and often times it means strong enough to refuse them, and that in turn ensures that they never take him for granted.

    Just ask yourself this question: Why does it always take most women years to stop chasing assholes, or at least guys that don't act like they care? They obsess and agonize and cry, but they just cant figure the guy out and they can't pull away from him. I've come to realize that a lot of women confuse arrogance for confidence, and as such cleave to those men because they feel they can 'handle business'. Take that in any form you like. ;)


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