The Friend Zone!

We all do it. We meet someone, become really good friends, and then bam! We file them into the “Friend Zone” folder. You know that zone where you make it clear to yourself (first) and then to the person (in subtle and sometimes not-so- subtle ways) that you can only be friends and nothing more. The friend zone is not always fun especially when one person likes the other like that but realizes that they’ve been zoned. It’s painful. Lol.

So the other day, I was having a very interesting chat with a friend about romance and then he made a statement that really got me thinking. He said “The best relationships start in the friend zone”. Might not look like a deep statement when you first read it but read it again. Most of us agree that the best romantic relationships often start as friendships during which you get to really know each other – no strings, no ulterior motives, just platonic friendship. You can be yourself all the way – no pretenses or facades, no forming cos you’re really not trying to impress the person. Then something happens. One person realizes that the other is actually a really great person and that they actually want more out of the relationship. But the other person doesn’t always see it like that and that’s when it gets hard.

My friend also said that “a guy who has been friend zoned may cease any further attempts” and that also got me thinking. If the guy first snaps out of the zone and realizes that he really likes the girl, chances are he wouldn’t want to risk asking her for more out of the relationship because she had zoned him. And at this point, if the girl snaps out of the friend zone too and starts to like the dude like that, it will probably be up to her to subtly break the ice.

Ladies, I think most of us have been at that point when we realize that we are starting to like a guy who up until then was just our buddy, “our guy” as we say in this part of the world. But how do we let him know that our feelings have changed without being explicit. Especially when we had made it clear to him that he was in the friend zone. I think in some ways this ball is in our court ladies.

Think of all the great guys you have friend zoned that you are starting to realize you like…Well, it’s never too late to take him out of the zone. The thing is many people see the friend zone as negative and once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone because even when they start to have more feelings, they don’t know what to do so they let a potentially fabulous relationship pass them by. I say, it’s time to take charge! You like him, ladies, be subtle but make sure you let him know ASAP. And guys, you like her, if you get a sense that she’s giving you subtle signs that she has “unfriend-zoned” you, make a move! Ain’t nobody got time for regret! Do it, do it now!! And enough of the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” talk! You just might be missing out on what you’ve been looking for all along!


  1. Hey Ronke! Very interesting write up.

    I agree with your friend about 'The best relationships start in the friend zone'. You know why? Because there are times in a long term relationship like marriage that what carries you through the most difficult times is that 'friendship'. I've been there!

    It doesn't matter if you have zoned anyone in. Once the feelings show up, you have to be able to talk about it. When you cultivate the habit of talking through whatever it is you both face, you can't go wrong.

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I really do believe that friendship should be the foundation for marriage. Yeah, that's true, being able to talk about it is always the best thing. Cheers!

  2. Hey Aderonke,

    Great post, as someone who never acted when I realised that my best friend would make a great partner. It's probably my only regret in life to this point so whoever out there is in a similar situation I would say make a move. The worst that would happen is that he/she will shut it down. However if you are truly friends your friendship will survive so don't let the fear of losing the friendship hold you back.

    1. Wow! Thanks for sharing. Yeah, people should definitely give it a shot so they know at least they tried. Cheers!


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