Are You (Also) Afraid of Love?

'Don't be afraid of love and don't be afraid to love'. I've been going on about this for a bit now simply because love is such a scary thing. Even God said "It is not good for man to be alone" so I know there must be something spectacular about this thing they call love but mannnnn, with the stuff going on these days, it is quite scary to even consider love and sometimes singleness seems like a great option.

I've been told that apparently, I don't know the half of what goes on in relationships in a place like Lagos, for example. The number of cheating men and women, the games people play (do guys still follow the three-day rule), the heartbreaks, the guy that wakes up one day after being in a relationship with a girl for like 4 years only to tell her he's not interested anymore and it goes on and on. The negativity is tiring. Now, I know there are GREAT love stories out there of couples who have made it work and are enjoying true bliss and I guess part of the problem is those stories aren't told enough. I'm tired of hearing the sad stories because all they've done is instilled fear and as a result some people believe love is overrated and pretty much non-existent. I don't want to think like that. I want to believe that love is truly a beautiful thing and that if two people are true to themselves and each other they can truly experience love as the Creator intended.

Here's a poem I wrote a while ago.

I want to experience true love
I want to walk by his side
I want to share each and every moment
With the love of my life

I want to show him affection
I want to give him my support
I want him to know that I love him
For everything that it's worth

Lord, You are the creator of true love
When You made it, You had a vision
That two souls would become one
And would not go back on their decision

But in order to experience this love
In order to find true love
I must first find it in You

Now, I know love takes work and there are challenges. I also know that love isn't just feelings and butterflies even though those are awesome. I also know love is a choice and a verb. It's sad though that a lot of people don't even believe in love anymore. You'll be amazed (or maybe you wouldn't be) that the reason some people get married these days is not because of love. Anyways, I'm reminded that in working out true love, 1 Corinthians 13 offers a lot of insight on what love should be.* I strive to get to a point where love for me is about the stuff in those verses in additiion to the yummy feelings, emotions, and butterflies. Hehe.

There are definitely many unrealistic views on love, no thanks to Hollywood  but even the love stories portrayed in Hollywood hold some truth I'd like to think. I mean, have you seen some Nollywood movies? Oh dear. You would think some of those story lines could not possibly be real but they are! They don't make that stuff up. Lol. They cull from things that actually happen. So, while we blame Hollywood for what we think are unrealistic love stories, I think to an extent some of them are true. By the way, if you haven't seen a Nollywood movie yet or you don't know what Nollywood is, come out from under the rock and Google it. Lol!

So, I imagine there are other people who feel the same way and are a bit afraid of this thing called love so for those of you who are loving love in a committed relationship, please share how you make it work, oh, and why there's no need to be afraid :)

*Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Picture courtesy of and


  1. Deep within all the facade and exhibited machismo is a tender heart filled with love, a heart wiling to love... that my story. This I feel Hollywood, Bollywood and Nollywood have succeeded at the same-time failed to convey. :)

    I am not love-phobic. So I won't agree to the term afraid to love. I would rather coin it my deepest concern with love.

    My concern isn't about expressing love but on expressing love to the right person.

    Does that mean I am afraid of love?

    By the way thats some deep lovely poem Aderonke :)

    1. I know what you mean. I would say yeah, in a sense it means you're afraid to love but I feel you on not being "love-phobic". Well said. :) Thanks!

  2. Hmmm, I think I am afraid of love, primarily because I WANT WHAT MY PARENT HAVE and I want my kids to be able to look at my home in the future and make the same statement.
    Problem being, that level of depth requires 150% vulnerability which is scary considering what goes on around us in this generation.
    Are there still women who love for the sake of love, totally and without reservation? Everytime I see a lady I admire I ask myself, can I place my heart wholly in the hands of this person and go to sleep?
    Maybe someday I will, but for now? I'd keep the walls up!

    1. I feel you. It takes A LOT of vulnerability and being true to ourselves and each other. There are women who love for the sake of love but they are also afraid. We gotta keep believing that true love exists! :)

  3. I feel true love does exist but problem is the connection isnt always there when you need it.....I was married because of love and same way I fell in love I fell out after working my heart out. Sometimes even love has a shelf life. When the two people in a relationship recognise a problem, unless they are prepared to bridge the gab??.

    Then there will always be a GAP


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