Do All Men Cheat?
I cannot begin to tell you how many women TRULY believe their husbands will cheat or are already cheating. A lot of women have resolved in their hearts that the man they married will cheat because “men are wired to cheat”. Wired by who, biko??? A lot of single women in these parts – Nigeria to be precise – have checked the “he will cheat” box on their list (why it’s even on the list beats me!). They believe that any woman who doesn’t think her husband will cheat is simply naïve. With the stories they’ve heard and the things they’ve witnessed, to them it is an accepted fact that husbands cheat. Period.
Some guys, in fact, most guys get upset when women generalize and categorize men as all being the same. They say it’s unfair, which is true. Some of them believe that the more you tell your man that you know he will cheat or say it in his hearing, the higher the chances that he actually WILL cheat even if he typically isn't that kind of guy. The reason? The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Your belief that he will cheat will affect your attitude towards him, which can actually make him cheat. It's one of those Psychology theories. And you know you gotta be careful what you say to people cos they just might become what you say. I think then it’s better to tell him how much you trust him (and mean it) because that will strengthen him.
I conducted a quick survey with some of my guy friends and their responses were interesting. To the question “Do all men cheat”?, I got the following responses:
~ No, but most do.
~ Nope, some of us can be faithful. We might fantasize about it though but won’t actually carry it out.
~ No, but those that don’t are in the tinniest minority.
~ No, I’m a man and I don’t cheat, so…
~ No, but all women assume all men do and it also depends on how different people define cheating.
~ No, same way all women don’t.
~ Is that a trick question? *LOL*
With some I had really long conversations and we chatted through it – what cheating is, is thinking it just as bad as doing it, etc. I even got a response on Twitter from Paul C. Brunson (the real-life "Hitch" and Co-Host of LoveTown, USA on OWN). His response was: “We don’t. All research underscores this”. He went on to tell me to Google “Infidelity Research”. My research has begun and I encourage you to do the same and see what you find.
So, what's the deal? Do all men cheat? I don’t think so. My guy friends say no. Do you all agree?
Ladies, why do you think it is common to believe men cheat?
P.S. Apparently, women cheat too but I wanted to address the male angle on this post.
Picture courtesy of madamnoire.com
..... I always ask females who clump all men into the same category if they would like it if we said all women are b****es. Some obviously are, but not all. Same applies to guys. Yes, your average joe will grab anything he can get, especially if it is offered to him. But going into marriage firmly convinced that your man is going to cheat on you is just plain defeatist. Like you pointed out, with that kind of mentality, the woman will do and say things to eventually get him to fulfill those "wishes" of her's. Flip side? He will say he needs variety - that's the spice of life, so, keep him interested, vary the routine. Don't let yourself double in size - yes, childbirth and work and all that. But I have seen drop dead gorgeous mothers of 2 or more children. So, it's a two way street at the end of the day. And I have female friends whose sex-capades have left me with mouth agape.
ReplyDeleteNice topic to debate Aderonke.
Me I don talk am before...everyone cheats! Man or Woman. Men cheat primarily physically and women cheat emotionally.
ReplyDeleteIf a Lady just believes its the best for her to assume that all men cheat and so hers must cheat on her...I very much believe she deserves whatever she gets then.....As for me, I know some Men can be faithful.
ReplyDeleteYeah, all men cheat.
ReplyDeleteJust like 'all' men beat their wives, squander the family savings, molest their daughters, and abandon their families.
It's tiring, really. The whole generalization thing kinda gets to me.
I feel it's women who aren't confident in themselves or in their ability to keep a relationship that throw their hands up and join the "all-men-cheat" chanting crowd.
Keeping a man faithful is actually one of those things within a woman's circle of influence but most do not realise this.
Hello Midas. I couldn't help but laugh at your comment actually. I appreciate your way of disagreeing with the notion that all men cheat. The only thing I do not understand is why keeping a man faithful is within a woman's circle of influence. Why is it in any one's circle of influence other than the person in question?
DeleteI don't believe you can make anyone exert self control. One possesses it or they don't. I don't believe it's anyone else's responsibility.
If you could, I would totally love to hear more of what you meant by that.
Thank you.
I think it is wrong for women to assume that all men cheat. This is as vague as the saying "if you want to hide something from a black man, put it in a book"(I hope I got that right). All men don't cheat and that's the truth! Women, know the type of man you're with. The fact that your friends husband cheated on her doesn't mean yours will do same. Someone once said "what you focus on expands". I think that is what is happening here. If you're tired of cheats and would like to meet guys that are not part of this baseless unwritten rule, call me, :)
ReplyDeleteWell said David O.
ReplyDeleteI don't necessarily agree that it's in the purview of a woman to keep a man interested, or rather I wouldn't put it on all on her, men gotta meet women in the middle. I will however say that women should not take marriage as an excuse to just 'let go' and become too comfortable, same as I would to men too. We are all striving for better versions of ourselves and that shouldn't stop because we've tied ourselves to another person for life.
Another thing that I'd like to ask is, how many of these married women who complain about their husbands cheating, knew their men were cheating BEFORE they got married? In some respects, you have to ask how much you've allowed yourself to put up. Is it because you wanted to get married that you knew he was cheating and didn't leave him? The idea that you won't find anything better is a very real insecurity but it's something we have to break out of.
In general I think we all need to embrace the power of positive thinking: women repeat to yourselves that you will have a faithful partner, men repeat that you will be faithful. And vice versa because it happens both ways!
Majority of men cheat. I believe that percentage will reduce overtime, if we consider the past. Back then men never 'cheated', they simply married the other girl or kept her as a concubine. But as civilisation as evolved, that trait has joined many others that is now frowned upon (which is a good thing). So while majority of men cheat today, we have progressively gotten better over the generations. I think it comes down to choice and self discipline. We guys shouldn't get upset when women label us, the generalisation didn't come out of thin air, they came out of the individual behaviours of several guys over the years. Likewise we should do our own individual bit to correct that impression of us. Ladies, try not to assume ur man will cheat, otherwise u may begin to see things that aren't there....maybe...dunno. Its not an exact science.
ReplyDeleteMostly valid points have been raised. I don't agree that every man cheats. My father didn't. Hasn't. And it's men like him that push me to raise the standards. Because of him I decided to save sex for marriage. Hard, but doable. And to not cheat is similar...hard, very. But doable.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts guys! Very interesting.
ReplyDelete90% of men would cheat, if they were sure, they would never be caught. However, there are still a few out there who wouldn't, based on principles. The sad part is the woman who expects infidelity to be part of her man's makeup. I know someone who would put a pack of condoms for her husband whenever he's travelling out of town!
ReplyDeleteWomen should start demanding and holding their men to higher standards. But what standards and values do the womenfolk possess, especially while they were single and the presently single who make it all the more easier for these wayward men to cheat so blatantly.
Men are not wired to cheat, we turn out the way we are, by choice! However, women with cheating husbands are not in anyway responsible 'most times' for their partner's infidelity...it is just him and his sense of value, more often than not.
Good blog post by the way.
Men that cheat are men that haven't fully understand the true meaning of love in my opinion. However I dont generalise situations, so I'd rather ask -If u needed a reason to cheat as a man, what would it be?
ReplyDeleteSaying that all men cheat is absolutely absurd... Ask yourself if that generalization makes any sense at all. Did your father cheat or does your son cheat? Just because you heard a story of some jerk cheating on his loving and caring wife doesn't mean you should throw your hands in the air and just give up. It makes faithfull men upset (including myself) when you wrongfully accuse them of cheating especially in cases such as mine when the women has cheated on you.
ReplyDelete