Saturday, May 5, 2012

SEX.

Yup! I want to talk about SEX! The thing that everyone talks about but don't really talk about. I had a question the other day about sex before marriage and how honesty comes into play. Let me explain: Some people have decided that sex before marriage is a no-no for them. They have decided that they will save sex - intimacy, making love - for the wedding night and beyond and with this decision comes a lot of questions.

First of all, if the woman or man is a virgin (and yes, there are guy virgins out there contrary to popular belief), how do they know what to look out for in terms of compatibility if they aren't going to have sex before marriage? How do they know if they will be sexually compatible? In some regard, I think if you haven't tried something before, you don't have a reference point with which to gauge compatibility. Is that right? So, it shouldn't really be an issue. Some people would probably disagree. Plus, the beauty of not knowing what to look out for lies in the fact that they can learn and grow together (I know some of you are rolling your eyes right about now cos you don't buy that! LOL. Oh well.) What do you think? Can compatibility grow over time? Is it something that can be developed?

Let's dig a little deeper into this matter. Let me paint the scenario in detail: boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl court (yeah, "court", that word we seldom use these days), boy proposes to girl and in all of this boy and girl decide to abstain from sex until marriage. Breathe, it actually happens! Lol. How honest do they need to be with each other about sexual issues. If they are not doing the do, what are some pointers to tell them that all will be well (if you know what I mean *wink*)? I had a lot of conversations about this with friends and the views were so varying, I was overwhelmed! Some people said the couple would need to trust God that they would be sexually compatible, others said when the couple kisses they'll know if all is well, others said do other things but don't have sex and you'll know, I said ASK! *covers face* I sure did! If you are going to spend your life with someone you should be able to ask any and everything, no? When I say ask, I mean ASK! Get answers for anything you are concerned about that. I also said there's gotta be a medical procedure that can be done to find out if all is and will be well. I think this is a very serious topic that is brushed over and no one really gets answers to.

So what do you guys think? Given the scenario I described, what does the couple do? Do they need to just trust and pray that they will be compatible and hope that they've both been honest with each other about any shortcomings they might have? Are there medical procedures/tests that can be done (No kidding. This is an actual question y'all). Let's talk about it!

7 comments:

  1. If we assume that Sex in marriage is the most important thing, then we can be bugged down with sexual compatibility. However, having been married for a couple of years now, I know it is not. I married in my early 30s and we both never had sex prior to marriage, so we knew practically nothing about the matter. But because we have built a solid friendship, it was easy (very easy) to explore, fumble, laugh and play about the matter. We got more information where we needed to and explored together. I ask questions on what exactly she wants in sex and try to meet her every demand.

    Some might have a different experience with this, I can understand that. Some prefer to know what they are committing to before they get in since sex is the most crucial bonding factor for them. But I just wanted to remind such that marriage is not the saying of vows before God and people, or the leaving of family to cleave to another. That is the outward expressions of culture. Marriage is the act of sex. Every time you have sex, you are marrying a person. So if you are tasting people like the products of a groundnut hawker, you are the legal partner of many folks.

    I have found that the most potent factor that makes all things beautiful in a marriage is friendship. Cultivate it and it will beautify your sex life. If your husband is your best friend, even his tiny Kookoo will give you extensive pleasure. Even your wife's bare chest will be a fluffy pillow for your head.

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    1. Nice one CalabarBoy! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

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  2. Romantic notions! First of all, it's not that hard to find out if a man can get an erection (and can we be adult and say "erection"?). In most able-bodied, hot-blooded young men, it doesn't take much to make one and if you're really that curious, all you have to do is throw an eyeball in the right direction o figure it out! But that's not what you're curious about. You want to know if your future partner will be any good in bed. Because you want that mind blowing experience you've been reading in your romance novels. Well, you'll never find out by asking. And if you're dating a virgin, odds are, you won't. Not for a very, very long time, if ever. You can take that one to the bank. If you're not willing to try it out beforehand, then settle for the likelihood that you won't be sexually satisfied OR the likelihood that the guy you've been holding out on is cutting his teeth elsewhere, which is the only way you'll get that orgasm you've been waiting your whole life for.

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    1. Hehehe. Are you saying you don't think it's possible for a woman to be sexually satisfied with her husband if he was a virgin when they got married??

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    2. Refer to comment above. If she doesn't know what she's missing, she'll be that woman who says about sex, "It's...nice...."

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  3. Sex before marriage is simply wrong,I believe in passionate Love. When you really Love someone, everything you do is at its climax.As a Boxer I know how hard it is to wait for months before a fight. The long training, sleepless nights, the dreams of victory, the side comments. I must tell you that all these things come together on fight night and make you go through some experiences in the real fight that you can not really explain in words to people. So if a couple who have waited say our sex is good, I am sure that the couple who have not waited would say the same thing but have no idea of what the couple that have waited are talking about. The prior to marriage couple think its all that sparring they have been doing. The don't realise that the couple that have waited are experiencing something words can not describe. I am among the waiting list, I by GOD'S GRACE would wait till I get my Wife in the "ring" and I know things would happen that I can not describe.

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  4. Ahhh my favourite topic SEX lol...am feeling this post. First of all I do think its important that if you are going to get married, that you are compatible in satisfying each others needs. OK fair do's for those who hold the strong views of NO sex before marriage kudos to them its their believes and with conviction it shall remain so.

    I know so many relationships that fall by the way side eventually because one partner is and was not sexually fulfilled or in tune with their partner. This happens more often with the guy but am beginning to notice that the woman of today wants her man to take her to the sexual dome of purrrrrrrring as well.

    I think its important that even a kiss is passionate enough to send tingles down both your bodies. People are sometimes afraid to utter and express to their significant other what their sexual needs are. I mean how many men have fantasies??....I say 99.9% yet in some or most cases they would dare not approach the subject with their wife, partner girlfriend so therefore keep stum.

    I mean there isnt a definite time frame for getting married but when you meet someone, if you are having sex before saying the I do's, you should have both got a sense of spiritual connection between your interaction and sensuality, if by then you aint feeling it then have the TALK.

    Sex or the lack of Sex breaks up homes, the unsatisfied will deviate eventually or maybe they wont. Men need sex to feel close to a woman fact and a woman needs affection before she even contemplates sex, so here you have two very different requirements and unless in your partnership there is communication and real understanding SEX will always be just that!!

    gosh thats me putting in my two cents lol

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