Wednesday, February 22, 2017

What Men Don't Do for Love

The other day I glanced at two relationship books I have and they got me thinking. One of the books talks about things that women need from their husbands and looking at the book, I thought to myself that it is interesting that I, a woman, bought a book like that. Granted it was on sale but it also piqued my interest particularly because it was written by a man. But what really got me thinking is the fact that in the quest to finding and more importantly keeping love, it seems to me that men don't put in as much effort as women - they don't read a lot of, if any, books on relationships and they hardly attend relationship-enhancing events. It seems like a pretty general statement but unless proven otherwise, I believe it and it worries me.

It worries me because in addition to seemingly not reading and acquiring knowledge about love (when you compare it to women), the burden of making love work appears to also be put on women. Every time I see one of those "How to keep your man" books, I cringe because I don't see any "How to keep
your woman" books and contrary to what many men think, they actually need to know how to keep their woman because women are doing the unthinkable these days but I digress...

I also hear something that makes me a little upset and makes me wonder what in the world is going on. I hear statements about how "it is the woman's responsibility/duty to keep her marriage" (although I don't know if this is a Nigerian thing) . Say what!!! Since when? I ask. Since when did the responsibility of keeping a marriage rest solely on the woman? What is going on?

Women are expected to prepare and equip themselves with knowledge before marriage by reading books and attending singles' seminars. Then after they get married, they are expected to continue reading and attending women's meetings to keep their man and marriage. Or maybe women aren't expected to but they have chosen to because they see the value in these things. Oh, and don't get me started on the prayer points women pray regarding their husbands and marriages. Some are quite interesting. Am I saying they shouldn't pray? Of course not! But I don't see men praying similar prayers or making similar statements regarding their responsibility for making it all work.

All of this makes me wonder why it seems men aren't held as responsible for making love work and why men don't see the importance of reading and acquiring knowledge about love. Remember that these same men will read a book about finance and acquiring and building wealth in a heartbeat so why doesn't love rank high up, if at all, with business and finance? Misplace priorities? Lack of interest? Disbelief in the importance of acquiring knowledge on love? Seeing love as trivial?

If you've been reading my blog for long enough, you know that I don't bash men. Instead what I do is try to help both genders understand each other better so I have a few questions for the gentlemen:

  • Straight up: Why don't you read books about love and relationships?
  • Do you agree that in some way, it is in fact the woman's and not the man's responsibility to keep her home and marriage? If yes, why?
  • If you have read/do read books on relationships, what were the most recent 3 you read?
  • What role do you think you play/should play in making your relationship work?

Please share your answers in the comments and feel free to respond to all or some of these questions. Either way, your responses will be greatly appreciated as I want to know how men see love and what they would be willing to do for it. Remember I stand corrected but this is from my observation.

And ladies, what are your thoughts?


  1. Hey. Really nice piece. Now to the questions:

    1. Because love and relationships are as much of a priority to men as they are to women. Plus men tend to be more concerned about the 'physical' aspects of a relationship. Love is oftentimes a byproduct. It's the reverse for women I think.

    2. I think it's more the woman's responsibility to keep the home the same way it's more the man's responsibility to bring home the bacon but in terms of keeping/sustaining a marriage, it should be 50/50.

    3. "Why men marry b*tches", "Why men date b*tches" and "Men are from Mars women are from Venus".

    4. Providing support, affirmation and affection and being faithful, caring and attentive. At the end of the day women aren't that hard to please. At least the ones that aren't complicated and don't have drama aren't.

    1. Hi there.

      Men search for sex: by product is love

      Women search for love : by product is sex

      The entire write up is tantamount to a man asking why don't women read 'pick up' books? or why women aren't viciously looking for sex the way men are.

      It's all complementary : women keep the home in emotional balance to keep his love . He keeps the home in financial balance to keep enjoying sex.

      It goes hand in hand

    2. Sighs, shakes head, sighs again

      It's because I know this trend is somewhat the internal wiring of men and women.

      I also feel guys would learn and fix any problem if it arises, he'll read all the books if the marriage is heading to the rocks, he'll come home early, he'll talk to older couples, anything to save the marriage, but he won't start reading about "what to do if there's a bushfire in the Artic" until when it seem a fire might be starting and has started in another region.

      So... for the guys, it's pointless to read a romance related book(romance novels fall into this category btw)when they don't see any problem.

      "I want to solve or deal with an actual problem, not some imaginary fluffy thing in some girl's head" says the guys.

      N/B I'd like my guy to read's called getting armed, 'nothing we can't deal with in good time'. Besides, he can nip stuff in the bud...