Top 5 Reasons Why You're Still Single
I had to write this because I get very interesting questions from time to time. There must be reasons why women, who want to be in a relationship, are still single, right? ***Guys, I'm not sure this applies to you because it seems whenever you're ready, you can just up and get a relationship. Although, it does appear that even the guys are having a hard time these days. Is that true?***
Here are some reasons why I think women are still single these days (in no particular order)*:
1. You're not approachable - Girl, you need to SMILE. Period. Guys need some green light action so when they glance over and you don't smile back, they take it as a "don't even think about it" signal (This is what my male friends tell me). Although, this is really dependent on why he's glancing in the first place. Another reason why you might be unapproachable could be because you are always surrounded by your girlfriends! Some women don't know how to be alone. It's almost impossible to hang out with yourself. Lol. If you're always with people how can you be approached? Try going to the movies alone, jogging, taking a walk, and see what happens...
2. You haven't figured out your life's purpose - Yup! I always say "before you ask someone to go on a journey with you, you have to know where you're going". In this case, the journey is a relationship or marriage. You kinda have to know where it is you want to go in life before you take someone along. We are growing everyday so you won't have it all figured out before you pursue a relationship but at least you'll know in which direction you're headed and that will make it easier to decide who to go with on the journey.
3. You're not meeting NEW people. Period. Most people's routines are so rigid and their social circles have stayed the same for years! They go to work, Church, home, and maybe one or two places and that's it! No surprise you ain't found someone all this time! You know they say "madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"! LOL!!! I'm not saying you're mad though, I'm just saying...LOL. Anyways, maybe it's time to change things up a little bit. How? You ask. Well, by changing up where you go and going out with a variety of friends. Have a diverse pool of friends and hang out with different groups. You'll probably meet new people that way. Network. Follow up on business contacts. Tap into all your affiliations not just because you want a romantic relationship but also because you want richer friendships and a richer life.
4. The guys around you are straight up not ready! Yup! Cos girl, you KNOW you got it going on. You're beautiful, hard working, FRIENDLY, fun, etc. but the dudes around you are either SUPER blind, intimidated (in which case it's ok), or they're not your type. So, what do you do in this case? Hmmm, you could try the tips in #3 and see how that goes :) or honey, call on Jesus to order the right dude's steps!
5. You're being unrealistic - Hmm, this is an interesting one. I believe everyone should have non-negotiables when it comes to relationships but I guess sometimes the expectations can be unrealistic. I always say that we put too much pressure on other human beings to be PERFECT. We really shouldn't expect more from others than we are ourselves. So when you say you want a guy who is this and that, are you this and that? There has to be room for compromise because at the end of the day none of us is perfect. My Pastor said something the other day that was very profound. He said a lot of women are looking for oak trees (ready-made, already established men) when they should be looking for acorns (men with potential). I know a lot of women especially after a certain age don't want to be with "potential" but when he said that, I realized that there will be some kind of potential in the guy that only a woman can bring out. Haven't you noticed that when your male friends get married, shortly after they get that "marriage glow". I notice it all the time! It's the woman! She's bringing out the best in him :) I guess there are different levels of potential but there WILL be potential in him that only you can bring out. There will probably be some things you will want him to have that he won't have till you get married. So, ladies, don't be afraid of potential anymore. Just get with the kind of potential you are comfortable with.
Phew! So, what do y'all think? What other reasons do you think explain why women and men are STILL single?
*These are just from my observations and conversations :)
Here are some reasons why I think women are still single these days (in no particular order)*:
1. You're not approachable - Girl, you need to SMILE. Period. Guys need some green light action so when they glance over and you don't smile back, they take it as a "don't even think about it" signal (This is what my male friends tell me). Although, this is really dependent on why he's glancing in the first place. Another reason why you might be unapproachable could be because you are always surrounded by your girlfriends! Some women don't know how to be alone. It's almost impossible to hang out with yourself. Lol. If you're always with people how can you be approached? Try going to the movies alone, jogging, taking a walk, and see what happens...
2. You haven't figured out your life's purpose - Yup! I always say "before you ask someone to go on a journey with you, you have to know where you're going". In this case, the journey is a relationship or marriage. You kinda have to know where it is you want to go in life before you take someone along. We are growing everyday so you won't have it all figured out before you pursue a relationship but at least you'll know in which direction you're headed and that will make it easier to decide who to go with on the journey.
3. You're not meeting NEW people. Period. Most people's routines are so rigid and their social circles have stayed the same for years! They go to work, Church, home, and maybe one or two places and that's it! No surprise you ain't found someone all this time! You know they say "madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"! LOL!!! I'm not saying you're mad though, I'm just saying...LOL. Anyways, maybe it's time to change things up a little bit. How? You ask. Well, by changing up where you go and going out with a variety of friends. Have a diverse pool of friends and hang out with different groups. You'll probably meet new people that way. Network. Follow up on business contacts. Tap into all your affiliations not just because you want a romantic relationship but also because you want richer friendships and a richer life.
4. The guys around you are straight up not ready! Yup! Cos girl, you KNOW you got it going on. You're beautiful, hard working, FRIENDLY, fun, etc. but the dudes around you are either SUPER blind, intimidated (in which case it's ok), or they're not your type. So, what do you do in this case? Hmmm, you could try the tips in #3 and see how that goes :) or honey, call on Jesus to order the right dude's steps!
5. You're being unrealistic - Hmm, this is an interesting one. I believe everyone should have non-negotiables when it comes to relationships but I guess sometimes the expectations can be unrealistic. I always say that we put too much pressure on other human beings to be PERFECT. We really shouldn't expect more from others than we are ourselves. So when you say you want a guy who is this and that, are you this and that? There has to be room for compromise because at the end of the day none of us is perfect. My Pastor said something the other day that was very profound. He said a lot of women are looking for oak trees (ready-made, already established men) when they should be looking for acorns (men with potential). I know a lot of women especially after a certain age don't want to be with "potential" but when he said that, I realized that there will be some kind of potential in the guy that only a woman can bring out. Haven't you noticed that when your male friends get married, shortly after they get that "marriage glow". I notice it all the time! It's the woman! She's bringing out the best in him :) I guess there are different levels of potential but there WILL be potential in him that only you can bring out. There will probably be some things you will want him to have that he won't have till you get married. So, ladies, don't be afraid of potential anymore. Just get with the kind of potential you are comfortable with.
Phew! So, what do y'all think? What other reasons do you think explain why women and men are STILL single?
*These are just from my observations and conversations :)
This is a very good list. I especiallyn relate with number 3 (not meeting new people). It's so easy to get caught up in our routines and being too tired or lazy to break out and try something new.
ReplyDeleteAs for number 1 (not appearing approachable), although I hear and read that all the time, I wonder how many guys that is true for. It often appears that the more unapproachable the lady, the harder guys chase her......
Hmm, that's a very good observation Ore regarding how much harder guys chase when a girl is unapproachable. Perhaps it makes the chase sweeter. LOL!
Deletethese are certainly some important points worth considering if your are looking for a partner. but sometimes you do all these things and you still remain single!
ReplyDeleteNow, this is hard to explain but i'll try. Some girls grow up with particular backgrounds, maybe not the best around. however they move on to Uni and mix with a diff set of pple, they get the "posh" job,and mix with more posh people, however, there's still that thing that sets her apart from them, yet she feels she should be with the people in her "new" world, her expectations are high... so long story short, some girls have unrealistic expectations and they keep looking in the wrong circles and hence "still single"..
ReplyDeleteLol, first comment, will keep it short and clearer next time
Sweety I love this post and the podcast....I totally agree with number two...I keep telling my friends both male and female, its IMPORTANT to develop yourself and understand your self before you add another person to help you do that. Some days ago a guy asked me why I was single and I told him am still working on my self, he then said that's not a good reason to still be single. That I need a guy to do that with me. I thought to myself...How shallow are you? or maybe just ignorant, to be fair to him...lol
ReplyDeleteThanks girl. *surprised look* No, he didn't!! Did he really say that?? SMH. Yeah, let's give him the benefit of doubt and say he's ignorant! Lol!
DeleteIn my opinion,having a diverse group of friends could work.But i stand on one thing , enjoy what you love be it hubby,work etc with a free clear mind and we might meet our soulmate especially when we aren't searching so hard....
ReplyDeleteYeah, I do believe that sometimes love finds you when you least expect it :)
DeleteAderonke, yes it does! Speaking of which...are you single? I was going to email you but my buddy talked me off the ledge on what I thought was a bold, romantic idea which you as a 'lover of LOVE would 'get' and appreciate. LOL! So, are you single? And do you get random emails saying "I Wanna Get to Know You..." What is usually your reaction?
Delete