How to Woo a 21st Century Woman

So apparently a lot of men these days don’t like the word “chase” when it comes to getting the attention of a woman they like. Maybe because the word makes the process sound like a lot of work or it sounds old fashioned. Whatever the case, I would like to share with the guys some key things to keep in mind when you want to get a woman’s attention and woo her. Ladies, feel free to add to this in the comments.

First things first, always remember that behind the most seemingly strong, independent, got-it-going-on woman is a woman who truly wants to love and be loved. Times have changed clearly and while women might not need you to pay their bills simply because they can, it doesn’t mean they don’t want and need you. I know, at least I’ve been told, that guys want to feel needed so when they don’t feel like a woman needs them, they move on. I also know that guys don’t want a liability either. But I digress. Men, anytime you approach a woman, let this fact always be at the back of your mind: “Deep down inside, she really wants to love and be loved.” When you approach a woman with that in mind, you will give her the benefit of doubt when she displays certain behaviors that might make you feel she doesn’t need you. Many times, it’s an unconscious front women put up so don’t walk away too quickly cos you might miss out on a good woman!

The second thing to keep in mind when you are wooing today’s woman is that while the world has gone technology crazy, many women are still VERY traditional and still want you to pick up the phone and call them. They also want a lot more face time than you think. So while you think a BBM or Whatsapp message is fine, it’s a HUGE turn off for many women for you to use that as the primary mode of communication. Also, remember that chatting non-verbally leaves a lot to the imagination and different interpretations and it also lacks tone so a lot could be misinterpreted. Resist the temptation to chat and call her more often at least till you get to know her better. Check out the post “He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not” to see what the ladies had to say about this.

The third thing to keep in mind is that most women REALLY like romantic gestures. Sure, you can’t wrap your mind around why a woman wants flowers but if you pick up that she does, send them anyways. You might never understand (lol) but if they make her happy, that’s all that counts. She might not want you to take her to the most expensive restaurant because it’s not really about the cost or how fancy the dinner is for most 21st century women but if you plan a fun, exciting, and thoughtful (key word is thoughtful) evening, she will cherish it more than a bourgeois (stiff) dinner. Always remember that women just want you to make them feel special and I don’t think that’s too much to ask. So if you’re wondering why she wasn’t impressed by your expensive dinner, it might just be that she didn’t think much thought went into it. So just put some more thought into your gestures and you will be pleasantly surprised by her response.

One more thing to remember men is you gotta be prepared to step up to the plate. Twenty first century women are driven and focused and they are looking for a guy they can look up to and respect. So bring your A-Game and if it’s still in the works, wait and try again later. Don’t be upset if she’s not interested because she wants more. Times have changed. Women can do for themselves so many of them want a man who will challenge them, a man with whom they can grow and progress, and a man who they can ADMIRE. Like we say in this part of the world, you must “come correct”. There are no two ways about it. And this isn’t just about you being financially stable, which, whether you like it or not, that’s important to some extent as well (and the extent depends on the individual woman) but it’s really more about your total package and potential. She must be able to see and sense that you are a visionary with a plan and strategy and she must see that you are actively working your plan not that you plan to work the plan, if you know what I mean :) Men want to be respected, right? Men crave respect and want their woman to look up to them, yeah? Well, respect is earned fellas, so “come correct”!

Like I said, every girl just wants to love and be loved. Most women have an innate desire to want to support a man and enjoy companionship with him. The process of convincing the woman to pick you is really not that difficult. Contrary to stereotypical popular belief, women are really not that complicated. So men, try some of these things if you don’t do them already and see what happens.


  1. Hmmm. Good point. Very good points, as a matter of fact. Thanks!

  2. Right on point! I just hope the men are reading

  3. Spot on Aderonke! it has been a while. .. happy new year.

  4. @ Chichi: Hey! Yup, been a while. Trust you're good. Happy New Year to you too!


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