Our Money vs. My Money

When you were born and how you were brought up, will determine what your views are on what I’m about to share. I remember having conversations about this and it appears that MANY guys of this generation, say under 40, believe that when it comes to how money is shared, used, and managed in the marital home, it should be seen as “our money” meaning that the financial responsibilities of the marital home including rent should be shared. This was not the case in our parents’ generation and was usually not even discussed. There was simply an unspoken rule that the man took care of the expenses in the home while the woman (even if she was working) simply took care of the home and the children… Well, needless to say, that seems to be very old school now! Lol.

The new school generation believes, it seems, that when it comes to finances in the home, it is a partnership. Everyone brings in what they can to support the home financially. I have heard many new school brothas say, without batting an eyelid, that the rent should be split! Men these days don’t believe that it is their responsibility to whole-heartedly carry the financial responsibility of the marriage. While I don’t believe any woman or should I say most women are expecting their man to carry the entire burden, the question is at what point is the line drawn? Should there be a line in the first place? (Side Note: Ain’t no woman tryna be someone’s liability though. Just saying…). There are a few outlier brothers who say lai, lai*, they got it and their wife’s money is her money to do with it as she pleases. This is why discussing finances thoroughly before marriage, without making any assumptions, is SO important and cannot be over-emphasized. Ladies, if you always believed that your man would support your marital home all by himself, while you support in other ways, think again and talk about it. DO. NOT. ASSUME. Times have changed, views have changed, men have changed! Period. Lol. This might come as a surprise to some women and to others this is the way it should be after all, this IS the 21^st Century and women can do for themselves. Whatever the case, make sure you both are on the same page and are VERY,VERY clear on this. Remember finances are one of the major issues in marriages, especially in the first year.

I remember speaking with a group of older men – I believe they were over 50 years old- and they were shocked and in some ways appalled by the new school way of thinking. In their minds, a woman has no business contributing to the rent (or financial up-keep of the marital home) involuntarily. If she wants to, fine, but they strongly believe she should be given the option and in fact, she shouldn’t even get involved. They believe that is the man’s job and responsibility.

I wonder when and why things have changed so much. Why does it seem like guys these days are not interested in chasing (oops, I mean wooing) a woman as much as men were back in the day? Why do most men want to share the financial responsibility – in some cases 50-50? Why are men of nowadays so different from men from back in the day? I don’t think it has anything to do with women not working back in the day cos our mothers went to school and got jobs!

The moral of the story? Ladies, make sure you don’t assume that the man you’re with sees finances in marriage the way you do. Discuss, discuss, discuss!

Men, if you are of the “new school” school of thought that financial responsibilities should be shared equally or otherwise in marriage, please share your reasons why, seeing as this school of thought is VERY different from what our fathers thought.