Where Are All The Good Men???
Ok, before you think this is a bashing session, think again! Hehe. Quite the contrary actually, I want to first of all give a shout out to all the good men out there and those of you reading this (including you!). It can't be easy for you guys. Women don't think you exist. When you show up, they think you are too good to be true, like what's the catch? They generalize and categorize you in the "all men are bad" discussions. It must hurt. Then there's the "nice guys finish last" syndrome. Some guys are at the point where they think they have to become a "bad boy" to win a woman over. This is so sad. Some good men have been burned. They did all the nice things that they knew to do, only for the woman to break their heart.
*LET'S ALL SIGH TOGETHER*
Now, my only concern is WHERE ARE ALL THESE GOOD MEN though? Why are you hiding? Why have you given up? I was chatting with a friend this evening on BB after I put up a very interesting quote on my status and she was saying that she's waiting for her non-Nigerian hubby cos she thinks they are more sincere. What's happening? Has it become so bad that the bad boys are out-shining (well, not really "shining" but you get it) the good guys?
I declare, let the good men arise and be counted. I know you're out there!
*LET'S ALL SIGH TOGETHER*
Now, my only concern is WHERE ARE ALL THESE GOOD MEN though? Why are you hiding? Why have you given up? I was chatting with a friend this evening on BB after I put up a very interesting quote on my status and she was saying that she's waiting for her non-Nigerian hubby cos she thinks they are more sincere. What's happening? Has it become so bad that the bad boys are out-shining (well, not really "shining" but you get it) the good guys?
I declare, let the good men arise and be counted. I know you're out there!
Good question, however i think your view is somewhat one sided. What is a good man? Men are not inherently bad, but in my experience the modern age has left the men just as badly scarred as the women and there isn't a high chance of being in a relationship that is not dysfunctional.
ReplyDeleteI'm done, i'm through, i'm neither seeking nor interested in getting involved.
Perfectly content being single.
A good man is a man who treats a woman well. She doesn't have to feel like she's working to earn his love and affection. He deeply cares for her and shows it without restraint. He doesn't play games with her cos he isn't afraid to show her how he really feels. Yeah, modern age does have a role to play however, we are ultimately responsible for our actions. Yeah, every relationship has its issues cos we are not perfect people. Awww, please keep hope alive! Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)
DeleteHey Ronke, you asked for this comment so here goes.............
ReplyDeleteWe are present ly in a very selfish age, everyone has a sense of entitlement.
We want to be happy, find love, be wealthy, but no one wants to look inwards.
People say they wish to find love, but really are they truly ready for it?
It requires sacrifice, it's a double edged sword, love hurts, but how many of us 'modern' people are prepared for the challenges love brings? Love is not about you, it's about sacrifice, sacrifice for the person you are with it's not about your personal happiness but about the person you are with.
Just my two cents
Thanks for sharing your thoughts :) I hear you and it's true, we gotta look inwards and examine ourselves. Nice one.
DeleteIt is very difficult for women to find good men; not because the good men are not there, but because the lenses that most women look through have distorted the image of that good man. Most ladies don't reallllly want a good man; they actually want a 'born-again' bad guy. They want a man who they can take out, tall and strong, with lots of baddd adventure stories and history (women, partying, bad-boyness, behind him. Experienced and exciting, he must now be in a place where he can still do all the exciting things but have his eyes only on them and no other woman. All of a sudden he must be God-fearing, one-woman-loving, financially comfortable, caring, loving, spontaneous, etc etc. They look for that and are consistently disappointed. When a really good, proper, decent and cultured guy comes, the first question is "then why isn't he married?". They now label him guilty of being deceitful, and he'll have to prove himself otherwise. Good and proper guys don't know how to do that. They are who they are, for real. Trying to prove to someone else who can't see them for the real thing they really are is as awkward as trying to wear 2 left shoes. So the good guys just walk... they walk until they meet that person who appreciates them for who they are - right from the onset :-))
ReplyDeleteWow! I love that! "BORN-AGAIN BAD BOY"! You are so right. Why are things like this though? *sigh* Let the good guys keep walking. In good time, they will meet the right woman eventually. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
DeleteI don't think its about good or bad men.
ReplyDeleteWomen mostly don't know what they want.
Lol! Yeah, women don't always know what they want but it is still to some extent about the good and bad boy thing. :)
DeleteThis one has always been a bit of a sore spot for me because in my teens and early twenties I was that nice guy that couldn't hurt a fly. It took a few women messing with my head and taking my kindness for that inner asshole to come out occasionally and now for me it's really just about self-preservation.
ReplyDeleteI honestly have to agree with Mek; women mostly do not know what they want. The idea is that by the time a woman is in her late 20s, she's ready and she's sure what she wants out of a good man. Said good man comes along, treats her like a queen and she ends up tossing him aside, thinking he's too weak, or too nice, or not independent enough. And many times they leave you for the 'bad boy' who is probably so damn insecure he can't see straight and then ends up casting those insecurities on you.
I'm not trying to have that crap happen again. I'm a good man because of how I treat my fellow man and the morals I try to adhere to, but I will NOT be a sucker for a girl again. You want a good man, then GOOD WOMAN, come on out and meet us halfway. We've got feelings too you know.
Sorry, taking my kindness for granted
DeleteI know what you mean...It's a tough one but I hope you will just keep doing you and you will find the right woman who will appreciate you for who you are.
Delete"I declare, let the good men arise and be counted. I know you're out there!"
ReplyDeleteWe sure are...
I don't agree with most of these comments. People like to make general statements based on their experiences, which are usually individual. You choose to treat women a certain way now because you want to and not because women want you to be bad.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that women are getting married to the good boys that have always been good and not the bad boys?
It isn't just that women don't know what they want, it is that they have not been taught what to expect from a man. Almost every information in adolescence is got from our peers (who know nothing) or from movies (which provide an unrealistic view on life). As we get older, we form a yardstick with which we use to measure the men we meet. Then we start taking them to church etc.
Good or bad, in the end it is the personalities that matter.
There are no good men and no good women...........
ReplyDeleteJust deal with the crap u can handle....
Ronks, tell all the women listening/reading that they need to understand that men are from mars and women are from venus! Women should not try and change a man it will never happen! Peace and love from your big bro!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe same way women see examples of bad marriages and use that as a yardstick, is the same way women know there are good examples but choose to ignore them. That is like saying you need to drive on a nice smooth road in Germany before you know that driving on a pothole infested road is a bad thing! For example, the numerous cases of domestic violence, verbal abuse, psychological abuse and so on, YET, a lot of these women stay in these marriages or relationships. Not because they don't know that they deserve better or that they haven't been taught better, but because they a) think they can change the man, and b) are so afraid of the stigma associated with being alone that they would rather stay in it and c) they spend more time listening to the things other women say and what society say they should be, that they don't spend any time at all being true to who they REALLY are.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, let me say thank you for this post sista! ;)I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote, "Some guys are at the point where they think they have to become a "bad boy" to win a woman over." Although I've never crossed over completely to the "bad boy" side, I was very close at one point. As you mentioned, I was trying to do right by a woman and got played a time or two. To that end, it had me thinking that women just don't want a good man, that you had to treat them like a bad boy would in order to get anywhere. As time I went on, I realized that I can't generalize that all women are like that but, I'm not sure if I can ever go back to being the pure and innocent lover I was. That doesn't mean that I treat women with disrespect, it means that I'm always on guard. Hopefully that makes sense. Nevertheless, thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome! :) I know what you mean by being on guard. It makes sense but please don't stop being yourself.
DeleteIts all about personal experiences . You learn as you mature. I have treated a relatively good guy in my past really awful because i thought he was 'weak'. But as one matures , you realise and appreciate how that one good guy was to you after you have tasted the so called 'tough bad boy'. I thank my Creator for giving me the opportunity to experience and become wiser. Values change as we grow older . I pray for another chance to meet a really good , cultured,spiritually grounded man with potential who will join me on my journey through this life. Amen to that !!!
ReplyDeleteYes, that's part of the reason why I say age is not just a number because with age comes experience. I definitely have to write a post on "Why Do Girls Let the Good Guys Go?" It's a question I ask a lot! Thanks for sharing :)
DeleteFunny mixed up world we live in. That's the funny way ladies see us. Can you blame them. I'm one of the good guys and yes i know i have flaws, but what can one do, being a bad guy supposedly is like is the in thing
ReplyDelete